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anonymous
11-29-2004, 02:00 AM
Hey Everyone,
I am 20 year old female from Canada and I have been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis the day i was born. Right now i attend college but have become severly depressed.
I find that CF really gets to me and it gets me down. I am on anti depressants but i dont find that they work all too well. I am always tired and I have no energy what so ever.
I feel lost and confused. Whenever i get depressed i feel like quitting my health stuff and just dying slowly. I know that death isnt the answer to my problems but sometimes it seems easier than dealing with my life.
How do you get over this? How can i make myself feel like its worth it for me to live?
I just dont get why life has to be like this. Everything seems so hard for me. I feel so alone, so empty.
Will this be my life till the day i die?

*~Ash~*

jenhum
11-29-2004, 02:11 AM
Ash- I think everyone with a chronic illness goes through depression at some point or another. I'm generally a very happy person, but I've absolutely been depressed about CF before.

When I'm starting to get depressed, I just try and focus on the things in my life that are good. I have an amazing loving family, a fantastic boyfriend, I'm lucky enough to have a great education and I am fortunate enough to live in America! Plus, as bad as CF is, I have to recognize that there are so many other things I could have that would be so much worse. I may not be able to run very far, but at least I'm not paralyzed and not able to run at all, etc. To simplify, I count my blessings <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">.

To be happy is a decision that you have to proactively make. It takes effort sometimes. And I think that ESP as cfers, we should live every day to the fullest b/c we might not have as many to enjoy as the next person.

Good luck and I'm glad you came to this site. It's great to be able to talk to people that go through the same things. I'm sure other people will have more insightful things to say, but I hope I've helped!

anonymous
11-29-2004, 08:16 AM
Hi Ash,
Ditto everything Jenny said, and one more thing. You might want to see your doctor/psychiatrist about changing your antidepressant, it sounds like yours isn't working for you. Sometimes they can lose their effectiveness, and some work for certain people better than others. I would recommend a psychiatrist for prescribing medication as that is their specialty, whereas a primary doctor won't be as famililar with the meds etc. Like seeing a regular doc for CF! I hope you feel better soon, don't give up, things WILL get better.
Kim 39w/cf

anonymous
11-29-2004, 02:03 PM
Thanks for your response...but i do have something to say based on what you wrote. You said "Things WILL get better". How come everyone says that but it never gets better? How do u know things will get better, things can get worse. I used to be better and now things got worse. So now what?
*~Ash~*

anonymous
11-29-2004, 02:04 PM
Thank you for your response towards my cf and depression. I do have a question for you though...u said you try to focus on the good things in your life...well what if u dont have any good things in your life then what do u do? I'm telling you i am lost and i feel empty. I feel unloved and uncared for. I just feel useless and lifeless.
*~Ash~*

Jo
11-29-2004, 02:46 PM
i feel the exactly the same way... if you would like to email me my email address is [email protected] i dont have the support that most people have, i moved away from home when i was 18 and my boyfriend told me just the other night he dosent want to learn about my cf, i,ve never felt more alone thats why i come on here. but its even more depressing hearing what supportive families every one has

anonymous
11-29-2004, 06:38 PM
I feel the same way, this year for many reasons has just been the worse year ever. I too feel very depressed. I like to find things to distract myself. That way you're not thinking about it all the time. If you wanna talk my email is [email protected] I am also from Canada, where are you from there?

Ashley 20 w/cf

anonymous
11-29-2004, 09:49 PM
I'm sorry you all feel depressed. I went through a time of depression with the death of a sibling (not from CF) and I read a lot of fiction, Harlequin type books and it helped me to escape reality for awhile while I was reading these books. I just tried to stay away from the "heavy" books (i.e. "real life struggle" type books, trauma books, etc). After a while, I noticed I felt better & now I don't even feel that I have to escape. I also didn't watch the trashy talk shows that degrade women. I found I would be kind of depressed after watching these pathetic shows that really serve no purpose.
This worked for me, it may not for you all, but it may be worth a shot. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

anonymous
11-29-2004, 09:58 PM
Jo, if it makes you feel any better...my family puts me down more than they support me.
*~Ash~*

anonymous
11-30-2004, 01:54 AM
Hi Ash! I do hope that you are a little better. I am not a CF patient, but a mother to a 6 month old baby boy with CF. Everytime I see his smile (which is a lot) I am haunted that I produced the horrible genes that caused him to have CF.
Every morning and night I pray for EVERY single CF patient to hang in there and for them to have help with your suffering. Praying for the CURE! After reading many messages throughout the CF forums, I have noticed that when one suffers, others will help share that burden and offer to help in some kind gesture or another. Please do not feel that you are alone. There are many out there that are willing to share your burden and be there for you.
I am 34 years old, and I live in Ohio. I am originally from Florida. It's a long messy story of why I live in the snow and not the sand. I have NO family here and I have one friend. I am from a very big family, which I miss so much my heart aches every day. Like I said, it's a long story. But I know the feeling of being alone.
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to email me [email protected] I might not be able to solve any issues you have, but I can certainly offer a friendly ear!
Take care and I will be praying for you!
God Bless!!

anonymous
11-30-2004, 02:53 AM
Hi Ash, My name is Eva. I wondered if you have a CF clinic you go to. Because I was going through alot of things with my mom. Whom said some really hurtful things about my CF. I had went to my CF appt. a few days later and they had a social worker talk to me it really helped put things into perspective for me. We all go through really difficult times but it is very benificial to try to get some support around you, whether it's a friend or a social worker, there's lots of lung support groups in the community paper's, so you may want to get in touch with one of them. Either way don't give up. Because your here for a reason. Jenny is right when she says we have to make a proactive decision to be happy. You have good things in your life, you said your in college. Well not everyone is fortunate to go to college. Make a decision to see the things that are in your life that maybe someone else doesn't have. There's always someone less fortunate right over your shoulder. I started doing some volunteer work for 2 hours a week. It is so gratifying to actually see the people's needs met and how excited the families get because the community comes together to help them. That is when you can really see that there's someone worse off than others. I went through alot of depression when I was first diagnost at 30 yrs so I had to really make some adjustment in my life. It was difficult but if I wanted to live I had to change 30 yrs of bad habits. Alot of people with CF usually are eased into CF as they are diagnost as children. But I had to change my attitude and say you know what I'm going to fight. You please make that decision as well. Eva

anonymous
11-30-2004, 05:41 AM
Hi Ash....I'm not a cf patient but my best friend has cf and went through the similar emotions that you are going through. We all lived away from home and had to depend on eachother for support and everything else...can you believe that we were only 18 then! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> He had a lot of questions about why this had to happen to him and why he would never get better. It's hard to find the right words to say...but remember you have an incredible support team here on the cf website and that everyone here loves you and worries about you. I know someone had said it before but you do need to count your blessings. I know it's harder than it sounds. I suffer from depression myself and find myself thinking the same things. I try and make a list of everything I should be thankful for and look at that list whenever I am feeling down. Also try to find someone to confide in...my best friend confided in my husband and I a lot about his medical situation and though I don't have cf I could understand where he was coming from. Just have faith in god and that god has a greater plan for you...you have a purpose here in life...please e-mail me if there is anything I can do for you my e-mail is [email protected] 21yrs old female

Starfall99
12-02-2004, 04:41 PM
I know how you feel, through the end of high school into college I slowly slipped into a major depression, and CF was definitely the issue I was focusing on. It's good that you're getting medication for it -- it took me years and getting to the point of actually being suicidal before I finally got help -- but are you also getting therapy? I know some psychiatrists can be more focused on meds fixing things than on helping you work through the issues... I saw both a psychiatrist and a psychologist for while (still see the psychologist occasionally) b/c though meds were helpful, my bigger problem was working through my CF fears, anger, bitterness etc. etc. and learning how to cope. If you can find a therapist who is familiar with CF or medical issues I think that's the best -- some people mentioned if your CF clinic has a social worker, if so I definitely reccommend looking into that! We have a lot to deal with at a young age that most people, even our friends and family, can't understand or handle, and it's understandable that sometimes we need HELP!

Something that also helped me, like others have said, is trying to focus on the positive. I know you might not be able to hear that right now -- if people tried to tell me that when I was really depressed I'd probably be like "Shut up you idiot, you don't know what you're talking about" -- but whenever you're ready for it, try to look at all the good things instead of just the bad. It's a gradual process, and you pretty much have to train yourself to change your view, but eventually it works. I'll tell you how I worked on it, other people might have different ideas... I started by trying to pay attention to any good thing that happened during my day, no matter how trivial or stupid, and trying to appreciate it. I'm telling you, really stupid things -- like, I'm late for class and hit all the green lights, or I want to buy something and happen to have enough change for it -- ANYTHING that's good. Then of course you can also think about the bigger good things in life... like, I'm SO thankful for the health I DO have, b/c it could be so much worse and I really am so fortunate (my doctors didn't even think I'd live to see 18 at one point!)... and appreciating that I have enough money to live comfortably and afford my medicines, even if it's a struggle sometimes... and apprecaiting that we even HAVE all the medicines and treatments that we do! When you work on looking for the good, you may eventually find that there are so many more postives than negatives in life, despite the fact that the negatives are really bad sometimes. That's part of what keeps me going.

Also, this worked for me but may not work for everyone... this is the thing that had the most powerful effect on me when I first started seeing my therapist. Whenever I moped to my friends that I was going to die young and wouldn't be able to live my life and have a family etc, they always responded "No don't think that way, you'll be fine, blah blah blah," which never really helped. When I said that to my therapist, her response was, "OK, let's say you're right. You are not going to live a full life. Maybe you'll only even live a few years. Now what are you going to do?" It tapped right into my stubborn fighting spirit, b/c I realized that even if I KNEW I was going to die soon (which of course I don't!) I wouldn't just curl up and die, I'd grab what I could out of life while I had the chance! So that's what I try to do.

Of course it took a lot of work adjusting my attitude away from depression, and I still have my bad times -- I think we all do -- but in general now I try to focus on 1) How many good things there really are in my day to day life, and 2) Grabbing what I can out of life and fulfilling as many goals as possible in the time I have. And when I look at it that way, life is DEFINITELY worth living!!!

PLEASE feel free to email me at [email protected] (just put something about CF.com or something in the subject line, b/c I get a lot of junk mail and tend to delete the unfamiliar).

-Eliana
25 w/ cf