PDA

View Full Version : Coping with teasing



hmw
01-22-2010, 05:44 PM
My 3rd grader had been doing very well in cooperating w/ doing her treatments (a big program at her center aimed in this direction where the kids are rewarded for taking progressive steps towards independence), was initiating doing them on her own, etc- VERY very good stuff!

Until one night out of the blue she had the hugest meltdown you have ever seen. Kicking, screaming, crying, spitting out the neb, throwing the spacer for her inhaler, throwing her enzymes- we have NEVER seen this ever from her and it lasted a good 45min! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif" border="0"> Finally, all we could get out of her was "I'm angry at cf!'

Could not get a thing more out of her and I was afraid to speculate and give her extra things to be angry about that hadn't already come to her mind. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> She finally capitulated and quietly did her stuff but dug in her heels and was a monster for 2 weeks about doing most of her treatments. I knew SOMETHING was wrong. You don't make all that progress to just suddenly lose it like that without something happening.

At my request, she spoke to the social worker alone at clinic this week and she told her that C, her very best friend in school made fun of her for taking her enzymes and this hurt her feelings terribly- and that was what set off this whole thing. I don't know if she even addressed it with C, and apparently all has been good with him for quite some time- I hear about him constantly with no hint of anger- and assume it's much easier to be angry at CF than it is to be upset at her best friend.

What do I do if this happens again? Her feelings were really hurt and it just turned into this huge anger at the disease. She wouldn't talk to ME about it and while the social worker encouraged her to do so if it happens again, I have no idea if she really will. She has communication difficulties due to some developmental disabilities which make it very frustrating sometimes.

hmw
01-22-2010, 05:44 PM
My 3rd grader had been doing very well in cooperating w/ doing her treatments (a big program at her center aimed in this direction where the kids are rewarded for taking progressive steps towards independence), was initiating doing them on her own, etc- VERY very good stuff!

Until one night out of the blue she had the hugest meltdown you have ever seen. Kicking, screaming, crying, spitting out the neb, throwing the spacer for her inhaler, throwing her enzymes- we have NEVER seen this ever from her and it lasted a good 45min! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif" border="0"> Finally, all we could get out of her was "I'm angry at cf!'

Could not get a thing more out of her and I was afraid to speculate and give her extra things to be angry about that hadn't already come to her mind. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> She finally capitulated and quietly did her stuff but dug in her heels and was a monster for 2 weeks about doing most of her treatments. I knew SOMETHING was wrong. You don't make all that progress to just suddenly lose it like that without something happening.

At my request, she spoke to the social worker alone at clinic this week and she told her that C, her very best friend in school made fun of her for taking her enzymes and this hurt her feelings terribly- and that was what set off this whole thing. I don't know if she even addressed it with C, and apparently all has been good with him for quite some time- I hear about him constantly with no hint of anger- and assume it's much easier to be angry at CF than it is to be upset at her best friend.

What do I do if this happens again? Her feelings were really hurt and it just turned into this huge anger at the disease. She wouldn't talk to ME about it and while the social worker encouraged her to do so if it happens again, I have no idea if she really will. She has communication difficulties due to some developmental disabilities which make it very frustrating sometimes.

hmw
01-22-2010, 05:44 PM
My 3rd grader had been doing very well in cooperating w/ doing her treatments (a big program at her center aimed in this direction where the kids are rewarded for taking progressive steps towards independence), was initiating doing them on her own, etc- VERY very good stuff!

Until one night out of the blue she had the hugest meltdown you have ever seen. Kicking, screaming, crying, spitting out the neb, throwing the spacer for her inhaler, throwing her enzymes- we have NEVER seen this ever from her and it lasted a good 45min! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif" border="0"> Finally, all we could get out of her was "I'm angry at cf!'

Could not get a thing more out of her and I was afraid to speculate and give her extra things to be angry about that hadn't already come to her mind. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> She finally capitulated and quietly did her stuff but dug in her heels and was a monster for 2 weeks about doing most of her treatments. I knew SOMETHING was wrong. You don't make all that progress to just suddenly lose it like that without something happening.

At my request, she spoke to the social worker alone at clinic this week and she told her that C, her very best friend in school made fun of her for taking her enzymes and this hurt her feelings terribly- and that was what set off this whole thing. I don't know if she even addressed it with C, and apparently all has been good with him for quite some time- I hear about him constantly with no hint of anger- and assume it's much easier to be angry at CF than it is to be upset at her best friend.

What do I do if this happens again? Her feelings were really hurt and it just turned into this huge anger at the disease. She wouldn't talk to ME about it and while the social worker encouraged her to do so if it happens again, I have no idea if she really will. She has communication difficulties due to some developmental disabilities which make it very frustrating sometimes.

hmw
01-22-2010, 05:44 PM
My 3rd grader had been doing very well in cooperating w/ doing her treatments (a big program at her center aimed in this direction where the kids are rewarded for taking progressive steps towards independence), was initiating doing them on her own, etc- VERY very good stuff!

Until one night out of the blue she had the hugest meltdown you have ever seen. Kicking, screaming, crying, spitting out the neb, throwing the spacer for her inhaler, throwing her enzymes- we have NEVER seen this ever from her and it lasted a good 45min! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif" border="0"> Finally, all we could get out of her was "I'm angry at cf!'

Could not get a thing more out of her and I was afraid to speculate and give her extra things to be angry about that hadn't already come to her mind. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> She finally capitulated and quietly did her stuff but dug in her heels and was a monster for 2 weeks about doing most of her treatments. I knew SOMETHING was wrong. You don't make all that progress to just suddenly lose it like that without something happening.

At my request, she spoke to the social worker alone at clinic this week and she told her that C, her very best friend in school made fun of her for taking her enzymes and this hurt her feelings terribly- and that was what set off this whole thing. I don't know if she even addressed it with C, and apparently all has been good with him for quite some time- I hear about him constantly with no hint of anger- and assume it's much easier to be angry at CF than it is to be upset at her best friend.

What do I do if this happens again? Her feelings were really hurt and it just turned into this huge anger at the disease. She wouldn't talk to ME about it and while the social worker encouraged her to do so if it happens again, I have no idea if she really will. She has communication difficulties due to some developmental disabilities which make it very frustrating sometimes.

hmw
01-22-2010, 05:44 PM
My 3rd grader had been doing very well in cooperating w/ doing her treatments (a big program at her center aimed in this direction where the kids are rewarded for taking progressive steps towards independence), was initiating doing them on her own, etc- VERY very good stuff!
<br />
<br />Until one night out of the blue she had the hugest meltdown you have ever seen. Kicking, screaming, crying, spitting out the neb, throwing the spacer for her inhaler, throwing her enzymes- we have NEVER seen this ever from her and it lasted a good 45min! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif" border="0"> Finally, all we could get out of her was "I'm angry at cf!'
<br />
<br />Could not get a thing more out of her and I was afraid to speculate and give her extra things to be angry about that hadn't already come to her mind. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> She finally capitulated and quietly did her stuff but dug in her heels and was a monster for 2 weeks about doing most of her treatments. I knew SOMETHING was wrong. You don't make all that progress to just suddenly lose it like that without something happening.
<br />
<br />At my request, she spoke to the social worker alone at clinic this week and she told her that C, her very best friend in school made fun of her for taking her enzymes and this hurt her feelings terribly- and that was what set off this whole thing. I don't know if she even addressed it with C, and apparently all has been good with him for quite some time- I hear about him constantly with no hint of anger- and assume it's much easier to be angry at CF than it is to be upset at her best friend.
<br />
<br />What do I do if this happens again? Her feelings were really hurt and it just turned into this huge anger at the disease. She wouldn't talk to ME about it and while the social worker encouraged her to do so if it happens again, I have no idea if she really will. She has communication difficulties due to some developmental disabilities which make it very frustrating sometimes.

FosterClineMD
01-26-2010, 12:05 AM
Harriet, I know how upsetting it must be when a cute, snappy little kid like Emily is teased at school.

Kids her age often take their cue on how to handle things by how the parent handles the problem. So the less angst and upset you show about the issue, generally speaking, the better Emily will handle the problem.

That doesn't mean that you are not empathetic, understanding and loving. It's just that you don't get overly wrought up.

The story of the Ugly Duckling helps our children understand that elementary age kids tend to reject anyone who is "different". And it is important to reassure our children that people who are different are often admired for their differences in high school. So there are probably better days ahead!


It is good to find out exactly what her friend said, and then discuss with Emily possible responses clarifying that when a child cries, gets upset, runs away, or runs and tells a teacher, it generally makes teasing worse. If Emily can joke back about the tease with eye contact it often helps. And she needs to practice possible sentences with her parent playing the teaser. It can almost be a game.

Also, of course, it's helpful to sort out, "Who has the problem?" Because children Emily's age operate concretely, it may be helpful to draw a picture diagramming how, when a child does not feel good about him or herself, and sees him or herself as small, they try to cut people down to the same size.

Sometimes giving our kids the "can do" message helps. "Emily you are so lucky because when you learn how, at eight, to handle people who are nasty, you are learning great leadership skills! Every great leader has to be able to handle people making fun of them." (In this day and age you can demonstrate with almost any cartoon showing Pres. Obama.)

I am sure Lisa Greene will have more good ideas because she and Carl have children who have nipped teasing in the bud in a variety of ways.

FosterClineMD
01-26-2010, 12:05 AM
Harriet, I know how upsetting it must be when a cute, snappy little kid like Emily is teased at school.

Kids her age often take their cue on how to handle things by how the parent handles the problem. So the less angst and upset you show about the issue, generally speaking, the better Emily will handle the problem.

That doesn't mean that you are not empathetic, understanding and loving. It's just that you don't get overly wrought up.

The story of the Ugly Duckling helps our children understand that elementary age kids tend to reject anyone who is "different". And it is important to reassure our children that people who are different are often admired for their differences in high school. So there are probably better days ahead!


It is good to find out exactly what her friend said, and then discuss with Emily possible responses clarifying that when a child cries, gets upset, runs away, or runs and tells a teacher, it generally makes teasing worse. If Emily can joke back about the tease with eye contact it often helps. And she needs to practice possible sentences with her parent playing the teaser. It can almost be a game.

Also, of course, it's helpful to sort out, "Who has the problem?" Because children Emily's age operate concretely, it may be helpful to draw a picture diagramming how, when a child does not feel good about him or herself, and sees him or herself as small, they try to cut people down to the same size.

Sometimes giving our kids the "can do" message helps. "Emily you are so lucky because when you learn how, at eight, to handle people who are nasty, you are learning great leadership skills! Every great leader has to be able to handle people making fun of them." (In this day and age you can demonstrate with almost any cartoon showing Pres. Obama.)

I am sure Lisa Greene will have more good ideas because she and Carl have children who have nipped teasing in the bud in a variety of ways.

FosterClineMD
01-26-2010, 12:05 AM
Harriet, I know how upsetting it must be when a cute, snappy little kid like Emily is teased at school.

Kids her age often take their cue on how to handle things by how the parent handles the problem. So the less angst and upset you show about the issue, generally speaking, the better Emily will handle the problem.

That doesn't mean that you are not empathetic, understanding and loving. It's just that you don't get overly wrought up.

The story of the Ugly Duckling helps our children understand that elementary age kids tend to reject anyone who is "different". And it is important to reassure our children that people who are different are often admired for their differences in high school. So there are probably better days ahead!


It is good to find out exactly what her friend said, and then discuss with Emily possible responses clarifying that when a child cries, gets upset, runs away, or runs and tells a teacher, it generally makes teasing worse. If Emily can joke back about the tease with eye contact it often helps. And she needs to practice possible sentences with her parent playing the teaser. It can almost be a game.

Also, of course, it's helpful to sort out, "Who has the problem?" Because children Emily's age operate concretely, it may be helpful to draw a picture diagramming how, when a child does not feel good about him or herself, and sees him or herself as small, they try to cut people down to the same size.

Sometimes giving our kids the "can do" message helps. "Emily you are so lucky because when you learn how, at eight, to handle people who are nasty, you are learning great leadership skills! Every great leader has to be able to handle people making fun of them." (In this day and age you can demonstrate with almost any cartoon showing Pres. Obama.)

I am sure Lisa Greene will have more good ideas because she and Carl have children who have nipped teasing in the bud in a variety of ways.

FosterClineMD
01-26-2010, 12:05 AM
Harriet, I know how upsetting it must be when a cute, snappy little kid like Emily is teased at school.

Kids her age often take their cue on how to handle things by how the parent handles the problem. So the less angst and upset you show about the issue, generally speaking, the better Emily will handle the problem.

That doesn't mean that you are not empathetic, understanding and loving. It's just that you don't get overly wrought up.

The story of the Ugly Duckling helps our children understand that elementary age kids tend to reject anyone who is "different". And it is important to reassure our children that people who are different are often admired for their differences in high school. So there are probably better days ahead!


It is good to find out exactly what her friend said, and then discuss with Emily possible responses clarifying that when a child cries, gets upset, runs away, or runs and tells a teacher, it generally makes teasing worse. If Emily can joke back about the tease with eye contact it often helps. And she needs to practice possible sentences with her parent playing the teaser. It can almost be a game.

Also, of course, it's helpful to sort out, "Who has the problem?" Because children Emily's age operate concretely, it may be helpful to draw a picture diagramming how, when a child does not feel good about him or herself, and sees him or herself as small, they try to cut people down to the same size.

Sometimes giving our kids the "can do" message helps. "Emily you are so lucky because when you learn how, at eight, to handle people who are nasty, you are learning great leadership skills! Every great leader has to be able to handle people making fun of them." (In this day and age you can demonstrate with almost any cartoon showing Pres. Obama.)

I am sure Lisa Greene will have more good ideas because she and Carl have children who have nipped teasing in the bud in a variety of ways.

FosterClineMD
01-26-2010, 12:05 AM
Harriet, I know how upsetting it must be when a cute, snappy little kid like Emily is teased at school.
<br />
<br />Kids her age often take their cue on how to handle things by how the parent handles the problem. So the less angst and upset you show about the issue, generally speaking, the better Emily will handle the problem.
<br />
<br />That doesn't mean that you are not empathetic, understanding and loving. It's just that you don't get overly wrought up.
<br />
<br />The story of the Ugly Duckling helps our children understand that elementary age kids tend to reject anyone who is "different". And it is important to reassure our children that people who are different are often admired for their differences in high school. So there are probably better days ahead!
<br />
<br />
<br />It is good to find out exactly what her friend said, and then discuss with Emily possible responses clarifying that when a child cries, gets upset, runs away, or runs and tells a teacher, it generally makes teasing worse. If Emily can joke back about the tease with eye contact it often helps. And she needs to practice possible sentences with her parent playing the teaser. It can almost be a game.
<br />
<br />Also, of course, it's helpful to sort out, "Who has the problem?" Because children Emily's age operate concretely, it may be helpful to draw a picture diagramming how, when a child does not feel good about him or herself, and sees him or herself as small, they try to cut people down to the same size.
<br />
<br />Sometimes giving our kids the "can do" message helps. "Emily you are so lucky because when you learn how, at eight, to handle people who are nasty, you are learning great leadership skills! Every great leader has to be able to handle people making fun of them." (In this day and age you can demonstrate with almost any cartoon showing Pres. Obama.)
<br />
<br />I am sure Lisa Greene will have more good ideas because she and Carl have children who have nipped teasing in the bud in a variety of ways.

LisaGreene
01-28-2010, 08:31 PM
Hi Harriett,
I just hate the teasing thing! Whenever it comes up, I think: "Why can't kids just be nice?" But, that's the mommy-saurus in me feeling bad for my kid (and yours, too). Part of it is knowing how bad it hurt me when I was teased as a kid. So, we often carry these things over to our own kids' situations.

The reality is that kids will tease. And, luckily, my brain knows what Foster just shared with you about how kids take their cues from us adults and how important it is to teach them the skills to deal with teasing- whether they have CF or not. So, that being said, here are some more ideas to deal with this:

1. We have found that when we do a presentation in the classroom about CF, the kids are alot more compassionate and less likely to tease. (I have lots of info on my website under www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/SchoolIssues.html">School Issues</a> about how to teach the class about CF in a fun way.)

2. When Jacob was being teased by a kid about long bathroom breaks, we taught him how to respond in snappy, but still respectful, ways. When the kid was still nasty, we talked with the teacher about it and it was resolved by the school and hasn't happened since. But we empowered and equipped Jake to handle it on his own first so that he would know what to do in the future.

3. Here is an article that will help. It's called: <b>"Kids Can Be So Cruel: Helping Children Cope with Bullying and Teasing about Medical Conditions"</b> and is on www.TipsForCFParents.com under "School Issues" <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/articles/article/6447390/109105.htm">(click here). </a> Plus there is a link to a video clip that shows Foster doing a role play with a teen dealing with bullying.

Going to the social worker was a great idea and you are so perceptive to help her get the frustration out of her system. It is so important to have outside support to help us with these issues. (sigh) It just isn't easy...

I hope things are improving with the situation. The good news is that kids are incredibly resilient. Emily is blessed to have such a great mommy.
Hugs,
Lisa

LisaGreene
01-28-2010, 08:31 PM
Hi Harriett,
I just hate the teasing thing! Whenever it comes up, I think: "Why can't kids just be nice?" But, that's the mommy-saurus in me feeling bad for my kid (and yours, too). Part of it is knowing how bad it hurt me when I was teased as a kid. So, we often carry these things over to our own kids' situations.

The reality is that kids will tease. And, luckily, my brain knows what Foster just shared with you about how kids take their cues from us adults and how important it is to teach them the skills to deal with teasing- whether they have CF or not. So, that being said, here are some more ideas to deal with this:

1. We have found that when we do a presentation in the classroom about CF, the kids are alot more compassionate and less likely to tease. (I have lots of info on my website under www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/SchoolIssues.html">School Issues</a> about how to teach the class about CF in a fun way.)

2. When Jacob was being teased by a kid about long bathroom breaks, we taught him how to respond in snappy, but still respectful, ways. When the kid was still nasty, we talked with the teacher about it and it was resolved by the school and hasn't happened since. But we empowered and equipped Jake to handle it on his own first so that he would know what to do in the future.

3. Here is an article that will help. It's called: <b>"Kids Can Be So Cruel: Helping Children Cope with Bullying and Teasing about Medical Conditions"</b> and is on www.TipsForCFParents.com under "School Issues" <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/articles/article/6447390/109105.htm">(click here). </a> Plus there is a link to a video clip that shows Foster doing a role play with a teen dealing with bullying.

Going to the social worker was a great idea and you are so perceptive to help her get the frustration out of her system. It is so important to have outside support to help us with these issues. (sigh) It just isn't easy...

I hope things are improving with the situation. The good news is that kids are incredibly resilient. Emily is blessed to have such a great mommy.
Hugs,
Lisa

LisaGreene
01-28-2010, 08:31 PM
Hi Harriett,
I just hate the teasing thing! Whenever it comes up, I think: "Why can't kids just be nice?" But, that's the mommy-saurus in me feeling bad for my kid (and yours, too). Part of it is knowing how bad it hurt me when I was teased as a kid. So, we often carry these things over to our own kids' situations.

The reality is that kids will tease. And, luckily, my brain knows what Foster just shared with you about how kids take their cues from us adults and how important it is to teach them the skills to deal with teasing- whether they have CF or not. So, that being said, here are some more ideas to deal with this:

1. We have found that when we do a presentation in the classroom about CF, the kids are alot more compassionate and less likely to tease. (I have lots of info on my website under www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/SchoolIssues.html">School Issues</a> about how to teach the class about CF in a fun way.)

2. When Jacob was being teased by a kid about long bathroom breaks, we taught him how to respond in snappy, but still respectful, ways. When the kid was still nasty, we talked with the teacher about it and it was resolved by the school and hasn't happened since. But we empowered and equipped Jake to handle it on his own first so that he would know what to do in the future.

3. Here is an article that will help. It's called: <b>"Kids Can Be So Cruel: Helping Children Cope with Bullying and Teasing about Medical Conditions"</b> and is on www.TipsForCFParents.com under "School Issues" <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/articles/article/6447390/109105.htm">(click here). </a> Plus there is a link to a video clip that shows Foster doing a role play with a teen dealing with bullying.

Going to the social worker was a great idea and you are so perceptive to help her get the frustration out of her system. It is so important to have outside support to help us with these issues. (sigh) It just isn't easy...

I hope things are improving with the situation. The good news is that kids are incredibly resilient. Emily is blessed to have such a great mommy.
Hugs,
Lisa

LisaGreene
01-28-2010, 08:31 PM
Hi Harriett,
I just hate the teasing thing! Whenever it comes up, I think: "Why can't kids just be nice?" But, that's the mommy-saurus in me feeling bad for my kid (and yours, too). Part of it is knowing how bad it hurt me when I was teased as a kid. So, we often carry these things over to our own kids' situations.

The reality is that kids will tease. And, luckily, my brain knows what Foster just shared with you about how kids take their cues from us adults and how important it is to teach them the skills to deal with teasing- whether they have CF or not. So, that being said, here are some more ideas to deal with this:

1. We have found that when we do a presentation in the classroom about CF, the kids are alot more compassionate and less likely to tease. (I have lots of info on my website under www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/SchoolIssues.html">School Issues</a> about how to teach the class about CF in a fun way.)

2. When Jacob was being teased by a kid about long bathroom breaks, we taught him how to respond in snappy, but still respectful, ways. When the kid was still nasty, we talked with the teacher about it and it was resolved by the school and hasn't happened since. But we empowered and equipped Jake to handle it on his own first so that he would know what to do in the future.

3. Here is an article that will help. It's called: <b>"Kids Can Be So Cruel: Helping Children Cope with Bullying and Teasing about Medical Conditions"</b> and is on www.TipsForCFParents.com under "School Issues" <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/articles/article/6447390/109105.htm">(click here). </a> Plus there is a link to a video clip that shows Foster doing a role play with a teen dealing with bullying.

Going to the social worker was a great idea and you are so perceptive to help her get the frustration out of her system. It is so important to have outside support to help us with these issues. (sigh) It just isn't easy...

I hope things are improving with the situation. The good news is that kids are incredibly resilient. Emily is blessed to have such a great mommy.
Hugs,
Lisa

LisaGreene
01-28-2010, 08:31 PM
Hi Harriett,
<br />I just hate the teasing thing! Whenever it comes up, I think: "Why can't kids just be nice?" But, that's the mommy-saurus in me feeling bad for my kid (and yours, too). Part of it is knowing how bad it hurt me when I was teased as a kid. So, we often carry these things over to our own kids' situations.
<br />
<br />The reality is that kids will tease. And, luckily, my brain knows what Foster just shared with you about how kids take their cues from us adults and how important it is to teach them the skills to deal with teasing- whether they have CF or not. So, that being said, here are some more ideas to deal with this:
<br />
<br />1. We have found that when we do a presentation in the classroom about CF, the kids are alot more compassionate and less likely to tease. (I have lots of info on my website under www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/SchoolIssues.html">School Issues</a> about how to teach the class about CF in a fun way.)
<br />
<br />2. When Jacob was being teased by a kid about long bathroom breaks, we taught him how to respond in snappy, but still respectful, ways. When the kid was still nasty, we talked with the teacher about it and it was resolved by the school and hasn't happened since. But we empowered and equipped Jake to handle it on his own first so that he would know what to do in the future.
<br />
<br />3. Here is an article that will help. It's called: <b>"Kids Can Be So Cruel: Helping Children Cope with Bullying and Teasing about Medical Conditions"</b> and is on www.TipsForCFParents.com under "School Issues" <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/articles/article/6447390/109105.htm">(click here). </a> Plus there is a link to a video clip that shows Foster doing a role play with a teen dealing with bullying.
<br />
<br />Going to the social worker was a great idea and you are so perceptive to help her get the frustration out of her system. It is so important to have outside support to help us with these issues. (sigh) It just isn't easy...
<br />
<br />I hope things are improving with the situation. The good news is that kids are incredibly resilient. Emily is blessed to have such a great mommy.
<br />Hugs,
<br />Lisa

izemmom
01-29-2010, 01:28 PM
Hi Harriet!

I actually thought I responded to this thread already...guess I must have thought about my response while dong other things and never actually typed it. uuugh, juggling everything has its downside sometimes!

We've not had to deal with cf-related teasing ...yet. My Emily is only 4 and her pre-school friends pretty much ignore her enzymes and feeding tube (although, one boy was pestering her about her tube last year and she got fed up and told him it was really dangerous and if he touched it, green goo would spray out of it and get him!)

My non-cf first grader has been the brunt of some teasing due to recently getting glasses and reading books way beyond typical first grade level on the bus. (That one was a 5th grader who told her she was fake reading...no big deal, but upsetting to a kid who reads really well and knows it!)

The reason I'm responding is that I'm a seceond grade teacher. I know 7 and 8 year olds pretty well, and I deal with teasing pretty regularly. My approach in the classroom is to be as proactive about it as I can be. At the begining of the year we talk a lot about individual differences and respecting ALL people. That set the stage for specific discussions as teasing episodes crop up - usually in October, for some reason. I try to role play several of the big "teasing targets" with the kids...things that are bound to come up during hte year, like someone getting glasses, someone having an unpleasant smell about them, and someone not reading well (My personal hot button - I HATE it when they tease about that!)

We do this at a mornig meeting - I play the teaser first, and I say the most outrageus things. Things that kids really say, but that make everyone go "OOOOOHHHH!" I usually pick a pretty with it kid to be my partner, and I prepare them ahead of time wiht some responses that work, and some that don't work. We do this for just a few minutes a day, I don' t dwell on it too much, or it becomes a monster.

After we role play several scenarios (over a few days) we list the kids reactions to what I was saying as the teaser. That helps them to see that everyone dislikes being teased. Then, I give them a chance to be the teaser. I'm always careful about who I pick to do this. I like it to be the ones who have the most potential to BE teased. Somehow, when the "tough" kids hear the teasing words come out of a potential "victim's" mouth it has a strong impact. I'm not sure why, and I'm always afraid it's going to backfire on me, but it's worked so far. I also script the taunts for these exercises. I don't want this to get out of control. Again, we focus on how the teasing makes us feel, but since I'm playing the tease-ee, this time, I model some responses.

Recently one of my boys got an exercise ball to sit on, instead of a chair like everyone else. It helps calm his nervous system so that he can focus on tasks at hand, not on his need to move. It works really well, but, introducing a big red exercise ball to a room full of 7 year old boys had me shaking in my boots. I know it was going to be a hot commodity, and therefore, fodder for teasing this already awarkward, socially struggling little boy. So, he and I practiced what to do and say if he was teased, then we presented our role play to the class. He LOVED it. He felt so strong, I think, to be able to act in front of his classmates. I think he's a little dissappointed that no one has teased him or pestered him for a turn on his ball because he's armed with some great responses!

SO..could Emily's teacher address the teasing issue with the whole class. NOt even cf-teasing, just typical 3rd grade issues (There are a boat load of them!!!)

Can you role play with her, or better yet, an adult who isn't mom? (If your house is like mine, mom isn't cool anymore!) If Emily gets to be both the teaser and the tease-ee in various scenarios it might help her to feel more in control of the situation.

Mostly, keep reassuring her that you love her. Keep showing her that she is in charge of what happens to her. She'll come out of this stonger and more compassionate toward others. Fortunately, ,grade school doesn't last forever.

Good luck to your sweet girl, and to you!

izemmom
01-29-2010, 01:28 PM
Hi Harriet!

I actually thought I responded to this thread already...guess I must have thought about my response while dong other things and never actually typed it. uuugh, juggling everything has its downside sometimes!

We've not had to deal with cf-related teasing ...yet. My Emily is only 4 and her pre-school friends pretty much ignore her enzymes and feeding tube (although, one boy was pestering her about her tube last year and she got fed up and told him it was really dangerous and if he touched it, green goo would spray out of it and get him!)

My non-cf first grader has been the brunt of some teasing due to recently getting glasses and reading books way beyond typical first grade level on the bus. (That one was a 5th grader who told her she was fake reading...no big deal, but upsetting to a kid who reads really well and knows it!)

The reason I'm responding is that I'm a seceond grade teacher. I know 7 and 8 year olds pretty well, and I deal with teasing pretty regularly. My approach in the classroom is to be as proactive about it as I can be. At the begining of the year we talk a lot about individual differences and respecting ALL people. That set the stage for specific discussions as teasing episodes crop up - usually in October, for some reason. I try to role play several of the big "teasing targets" with the kids...things that are bound to come up during hte year, like someone getting glasses, someone having an unpleasant smell about them, and someone not reading well (My personal hot button - I HATE it when they tease about that!)

We do this at a mornig meeting - I play the teaser first, and I say the most outrageus things. Things that kids really say, but that make everyone go "OOOOOHHHH!" I usually pick a pretty with it kid to be my partner, and I prepare them ahead of time wiht some responses that work, and some that don't work. We do this for just a few minutes a day, I don' t dwell on it too much, or it becomes a monster.

After we role play several scenarios (over a few days) we list the kids reactions to what I was saying as the teaser. That helps them to see that everyone dislikes being teased. Then, I give them a chance to be the teaser. I'm always careful about who I pick to do this. I like it to be the ones who have the most potential to BE teased. Somehow, when the "tough" kids hear the teasing words come out of a potential "victim's" mouth it has a strong impact. I'm not sure why, and I'm always afraid it's going to backfire on me, but it's worked so far. I also script the taunts for these exercises. I don't want this to get out of control. Again, we focus on how the teasing makes us feel, but since I'm playing the tease-ee, this time, I model some responses.

Recently one of my boys got an exercise ball to sit on, instead of a chair like everyone else. It helps calm his nervous system so that he can focus on tasks at hand, not on his need to move. It works really well, but, introducing a big red exercise ball to a room full of 7 year old boys had me shaking in my boots. I know it was going to be a hot commodity, and therefore, fodder for teasing this already awarkward, socially struggling little boy. So, he and I practiced what to do and say if he was teased, then we presented our role play to the class. He LOVED it. He felt so strong, I think, to be able to act in front of his classmates. I think he's a little dissappointed that no one has teased him or pestered him for a turn on his ball because he's armed with some great responses!

SO..could Emily's teacher address the teasing issue with the whole class. NOt even cf-teasing, just typical 3rd grade issues (There are a boat load of them!!!)

Can you role play with her, or better yet, an adult who isn't mom? (If your house is like mine, mom isn't cool anymore!) If Emily gets to be both the teaser and the tease-ee in various scenarios it might help her to feel more in control of the situation.

Mostly, keep reassuring her that you love her. Keep showing her that she is in charge of what happens to her. She'll come out of this stonger and more compassionate toward others. Fortunately, ,grade school doesn't last forever.

Good luck to your sweet girl, and to you!

izemmom
01-29-2010, 01:28 PM
Hi Harriet!

I actually thought I responded to this thread already...guess I must have thought about my response while dong other things and never actually typed it. uuugh, juggling everything has its downside sometimes!

We've not had to deal with cf-related teasing ...yet. My Emily is only 4 and her pre-school friends pretty much ignore her enzymes and feeding tube (although, one boy was pestering her about her tube last year and she got fed up and told him it was really dangerous and if he touched it, green goo would spray out of it and get him!)

My non-cf first grader has been the brunt of some teasing due to recently getting glasses and reading books way beyond typical first grade level on the bus. (That one was a 5th grader who told her she was fake reading...no big deal, but upsetting to a kid who reads really well and knows it!)

The reason I'm responding is that I'm a seceond grade teacher. I know 7 and 8 year olds pretty well, and I deal with teasing pretty regularly. My approach in the classroom is to be as proactive about it as I can be. At the begining of the year we talk a lot about individual differences and respecting ALL people. That set the stage for specific discussions as teasing episodes crop up - usually in October, for some reason. I try to role play several of the big "teasing targets" with the kids...things that are bound to come up during hte year, like someone getting glasses, someone having an unpleasant smell about them, and someone not reading well (My personal hot button - I HATE it when they tease about that!)

We do this at a mornig meeting - I play the teaser first, and I say the most outrageus things. Things that kids really say, but that make everyone go "OOOOOHHHH!" I usually pick a pretty with it kid to be my partner, and I prepare them ahead of time wiht some responses that work, and some that don't work. We do this for just a few minutes a day, I don' t dwell on it too much, or it becomes a monster.

After we role play several scenarios (over a few days) we list the kids reactions to what I was saying as the teaser. That helps them to see that everyone dislikes being teased. Then, I give them a chance to be the teaser. I'm always careful about who I pick to do this. I like it to be the ones who have the most potential to BE teased. Somehow, when the "tough" kids hear the teasing words come out of a potential "victim's" mouth it has a strong impact. I'm not sure why, and I'm always afraid it's going to backfire on me, but it's worked so far. I also script the taunts for these exercises. I don't want this to get out of control. Again, we focus on how the teasing makes us feel, but since I'm playing the tease-ee, this time, I model some responses.

Recently one of my boys got an exercise ball to sit on, instead of a chair like everyone else. It helps calm his nervous system so that he can focus on tasks at hand, not on his need to move. It works really well, but, introducing a big red exercise ball to a room full of 7 year old boys had me shaking in my boots. I know it was going to be a hot commodity, and therefore, fodder for teasing this already awarkward, socially struggling little boy. So, he and I practiced what to do and say if he was teased, then we presented our role play to the class. He LOVED it. He felt so strong, I think, to be able to act in front of his classmates. I think he's a little dissappointed that no one has teased him or pestered him for a turn on his ball because he's armed with some great responses!

SO..could Emily's teacher address the teasing issue with the whole class. NOt even cf-teasing, just typical 3rd grade issues (There are a boat load of them!!!)

Can you role play with her, or better yet, an adult who isn't mom? (If your house is like mine, mom isn't cool anymore!) If Emily gets to be both the teaser and the tease-ee in various scenarios it might help her to feel more in control of the situation.

Mostly, keep reassuring her that you love her. Keep showing her that she is in charge of what happens to her. She'll come out of this stonger and more compassionate toward others. Fortunately, ,grade school doesn't last forever.

Good luck to your sweet girl, and to you!

izemmom
01-29-2010, 01:28 PM
Hi Harriet!

I actually thought I responded to this thread already...guess I must have thought about my response while dong other things and never actually typed it. uuugh, juggling everything has its downside sometimes!

We've not had to deal with cf-related teasing ...yet. My Emily is only 4 and her pre-school friends pretty much ignore her enzymes and feeding tube (although, one boy was pestering her about her tube last year and she got fed up and told him it was really dangerous and if he touched it, green goo would spray out of it and get him!)

My non-cf first grader has been the brunt of some teasing due to recently getting glasses and reading books way beyond typical first grade level on the bus. (That one was a 5th grader who told her she was fake reading...no big deal, but upsetting to a kid who reads really well and knows it!)

The reason I'm responding is that I'm a seceond grade teacher. I know 7 and 8 year olds pretty well, and I deal with teasing pretty regularly. My approach in the classroom is to be as proactive about it as I can be. At the begining of the year we talk a lot about individual differences and respecting ALL people. That set the stage for specific discussions as teasing episodes crop up - usually in October, for some reason. I try to role play several of the big "teasing targets" with the kids...things that are bound to come up during hte year, like someone getting glasses, someone having an unpleasant smell about them, and someone not reading well (My personal hot button - I HATE it when they tease about that!)

We do this at a mornig meeting - I play the teaser first, and I say the most outrageus things. Things that kids really say, but that make everyone go "OOOOOHHHH!" I usually pick a pretty with it kid to be my partner, and I prepare them ahead of time wiht some responses that work, and some that don't work. We do this for just a few minutes a day, I don' t dwell on it too much, or it becomes a monster.

After we role play several scenarios (over a few days) we list the kids reactions to what I was saying as the teaser. That helps them to see that everyone dislikes being teased. Then, I give them a chance to be the teaser. I'm always careful about who I pick to do this. I like it to be the ones who have the most potential to BE teased. Somehow, when the "tough" kids hear the teasing words come out of a potential "victim's" mouth it has a strong impact. I'm not sure why, and I'm always afraid it's going to backfire on me, but it's worked so far. I also script the taunts for these exercises. I don't want this to get out of control. Again, we focus on how the teasing makes us feel, but since I'm playing the tease-ee, this time, I model some responses.

Recently one of my boys got an exercise ball to sit on, instead of a chair like everyone else. It helps calm his nervous system so that he can focus on tasks at hand, not on his need to move. It works really well, but, introducing a big red exercise ball to a room full of 7 year old boys had me shaking in my boots. I know it was going to be a hot commodity, and therefore, fodder for teasing this already awarkward, socially struggling little boy. So, he and I practiced what to do and say if he was teased, then we presented our role play to the class. He LOVED it. He felt so strong, I think, to be able to act in front of his classmates. I think he's a little dissappointed that no one has teased him or pestered him for a turn on his ball because he's armed with some great responses!

SO..could Emily's teacher address the teasing issue with the whole class. NOt even cf-teasing, just typical 3rd grade issues (There are a boat load of them!!!)

Can you role play with her, or better yet, an adult who isn't mom? (If your house is like mine, mom isn't cool anymore!) If Emily gets to be both the teaser and the tease-ee in various scenarios it might help her to feel more in control of the situation.

Mostly, keep reassuring her that you love her. Keep showing her that she is in charge of what happens to her. She'll come out of this stonger and more compassionate toward others. Fortunately, ,grade school doesn't last forever.

Good luck to your sweet girl, and to you!

izemmom
01-29-2010, 01:28 PM
Hi Harriet!
<br />
<br />I actually thought I responded to this thread already...guess I must have thought about my response while dong other things and never actually typed it. uuugh, juggling everything has its downside sometimes!
<br />
<br />We've not had to deal with cf-related teasing ...yet. My Emily is only 4 and her pre-school friends pretty much ignore her enzymes and feeding tube (although, one boy was pestering her about her tube last year and she got fed up and told him it was really dangerous and if he touched it, green goo would spray out of it and get him!)
<br />
<br />My non-cf first grader has been the brunt of some teasing due to recently getting glasses and reading books way beyond typical first grade level on the bus. (That one was a 5th grader who told her she was fake reading...no big deal, but upsetting to a kid who reads really well and knows it!)
<br />
<br />The reason I'm responding is that I'm a seceond grade teacher. I know 7 and 8 year olds pretty well, and I deal with teasing pretty regularly. My approach in the classroom is to be as proactive about it as I can be. At the begining of the year we talk a lot about individual differences and respecting ALL people. That set the stage for specific discussions as teasing episodes crop up - usually in October, for some reason. I try to role play several of the big "teasing targets" with the kids...things that are bound to come up during hte year, like someone getting glasses, someone having an unpleasant smell about them, and someone not reading well (My personal hot button - I HATE it when they tease about that!)
<br />
<br />We do this at a mornig meeting - I play the teaser first, and I say the most outrageus things. Things that kids really say, but that make everyone go "OOOOOHHHH!" I usually pick a pretty with it kid to be my partner, and I prepare them ahead of time wiht some responses that work, and some that don't work. We do this for just a few minutes a day, I don' t dwell on it too much, or it becomes a monster.
<br />
<br />After we role play several scenarios (over a few days) we list the kids reactions to what I was saying as the teaser. That helps them to see that everyone dislikes being teased. Then, I give them a chance to be the teaser. I'm always careful about who I pick to do this. I like it to be the ones who have the most potential to BE teased. Somehow, when the "tough" kids hear the teasing words come out of a potential "victim's" mouth it has a strong impact. I'm not sure why, and I'm always afraid it's going to backfire on me, but it's worked so far. I also script the taunts for these exercises. I don't want this to get out of control. Again, we focus on how the teasing makes us feel, but since I'm playing the tease-ee, this time, I model some responses.
<br />
<br />Recently one of my boys got an exercise ball to sit on, instead of a chair like everyone else. It helps calm his nervous system so that he can focus on tasks at hand, not on his need to move. It works really well, but, introducing a big red exercise ball to a room full of 7 year old boys had me shaking in my boots. I know it was going to be a hot commodity, and therefore, fodder for teasing this already awarkward, socially struggling little boy. So, he and I practiced what to do and say if he was teased, then we presented our role play to the class. He LOVED it. He felt so strong, I think, to be able to act in front of his classmates. I think he's a little dissappointed that no one has teased him or pestered him for a turn on his ball because he's armed with some great responses!
<br />
<br />SO..could Emily's teacher address the teasing issue with the whole class. NOt even cf-teasing, just typical 3rd grade issues (There are a boat load of them!!!)
<br />
<br />Can you role play with her, or better yet, an adult who isn't mom? (If your house is like mine, mom isn't cool anymore!) If Emily gets to be both the teaser and the tease-ee in various scenarios it might help her to feel more in control of the situation.
<br />
<br />Mostly, keep reassuring her that you love her. Keep showing her that she is in charge of what happens to her. She'll come out of this stonger and more compassionate toward others. Fortunately, ,grade school doesn't last forever.
<br />
<br />Good luck to your sweet girl, and to you!