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Allie
02-17-2006, 03:44 AM
8 years today, we'd have been married. Today we should be eating french toast in bed, and cuddling together, and you shouldl be making me laugh like you always did , that horrible, wonderful way of yours. We should be teasing each other about getting sick of each other, and then call back all the passion of that first night shared with a gentle word.

But we're not. Instead today, I got up alone like I have for the past nine months, and walked to the kitchen, joylessly pouring cereal into a bowl and trying to awake my senses before Ahava woke up. I sat and thought of you, as I do often in those first minutes after my feet hit the cold wooden floor. Any other morning, I'd be sitting listening to you yammer on about your latest endeavor while you scrambled eggs for Ahava and I. But all I hear is the ticking of the clock in the kitchen

I'm scared, Ry

I've forgotten things, things I never wanted to forget, things I spent those last few days trying to ingraine into my soul, that you might stay with me forever. I can't remember the feel your breath on my neck as you whisper in my ear, your touch on my back, the softness and purity of your kiss becomes harder and harder to describe. I strain to think of your hum as you worked in the kitchen, oh how much you loved that. I remember always coming home and seeing you make your latest concotion, which was always amazing and rich and wonderful. And you scent......Oh God, please don't let me forget that. I went to your closet and opened it today, because you jackets hadn't been washed and you can still smell you if you just breathe deeply. I can't forget that.

What happened to it all? In what world was this fair? I remember when we got together, and how you were so full of life, laughter filling every inch of you, until you got to coughing, and even then, the laughter was in your eyes. You were truly amused with life, in a way I never could replicate. I watched Cf and cepacia work bit by bit to take your light and joy from me, moving from that familiar nighttime sound of your cough, to a oxygen concentrator, to a bipap.

I miss your cough, Ry.

In those last few days, as I watched your life flicker like a candle at the end of its wick, the enormity of the situation began to hit me. I was going to lose my sunny, funny hubby. But it couldn't be! You had me and a daughter and everything, there had to be someone else they could take. But I called to the sky, and it was empty those nights, and I knew, oh yes I knew. AND that night, like every other since then, my heartbeat has softly called your name into the quiet.

You always had a way about you that was undeniable. You could joke about the most morbid and horrible of things. Leaving personals ads circled, trying to help me find a date to the funeral, you joked. You're not getting any younger, you said. But we were young Ry, we were so desperately young. I remember how you joked about making a lifetime movie about me beating you, as we dredged up southern accents, and you created the best womanly scream I'd ever heard." Lester, no!" I still laugh when I think of you like that, perfect. Your eyes all lit up with humor and creativity.

You were my undoing, Ry

In life before you, things were so perfectly placed and put, and I'd have my husband and kids, with a white picket fence, matching SUVs and labrador retrievers. And I'd have lived a life of quiet boredom and desperation, always looking for the kind of love you find in the cheesy romance novels that you used to mock, Our 7 seven years were all too short, but they were the happiest of my life, even when things weren't perfect. You changed me, Ry. And for the better.

In life after you, I now sit at the kitchen table and reflect on what I've lost. The cupboard, once filled with medications, is empty now, dust collecting in that spot I can't bear to do anything else with. I no longer trip on your tubing as I walk absentmindedly into the lving room. I don't have to wait until you've done your treatments to go to bed. I miss the face you used to make while doing TOBI, begging me to grab you a pop because you couldn't stand that taste. So I watch the candle and wish with all my mind I had a match to relight it.

I hope I was a good wife, Ry. You were an amazing husband.

Allie
02-17-2006, 03:44 AM
8 years today, we'd have been married. Today we should be eating french toast in bed, and cuddling together, and you shouldl be making me laugh like you always did , that horrible, wonderful way of yours. We should be teasing each other about getting sick of each other, and then call back all the passion of that first night shared with a gentle word.

But we're not. Instead today, I got up alone like I have for the past nine months, and walked to the kitchen, joylessly pouring cereal into a bowl and trying to awake my senses before Ahava woke up. I sat and thought of you, as I do often in those first minutes after my feet hit the cold wooden floor. Any other morning, I'd be sitting listening to you yammer on about your latest endeavor while you scrambled eggs for Ahava and I. But all I hear is the ticking of the clock in the kitchen

I'm scared, Ry

I've forgotten things, things I never wanted to forget, things I spent those last few days trying to ingraine into my soul, that you might stay with me forever. I can't remember the feel your breath on my neck as you whisper in my ear, your touch on my back, the softness and purity of your kiss becomes harder and harder to describe. I strain to think of your hum as you worked in the kitchen, oh how much you loved that. I remember always coming home and seeing you make your latest concotion, which was always amazing and rich and wonderful. And you scent......Oh God, please don't let me forget that. I went to your closet and opened it today, because you jackets hadn't been washed and you can still smell you if you just breathe deeply. I can't forget that.

What happened to it all? In what world was this fair? I remember when we got together, and how you were so full of life, laughter filling every inch of you, until you got to coughing, and even then, the laughter was in your eyes. You were truly amused with life, in a way I never could replicate. I watched Cf and cepacia work bit by bit to take your light and joy from me, moving from that familiar nighttime sound of your cough, to a oxygen concentrator, to a bipap.

I miss your cough, Ry.

In those last few days, as I watched your life flicker like a candle at the end of its wick, the enormity of the situation began to hit me. I was going to lose my sunny, funny hubby. But it couldn't be! You had me and a daughter and everything, there had to be someone else they could take. But I called to the sky, and it was empty those nights, and I knew, oh yes I knew. AND that night, like every other since then, my heartbeat has softly called your name into the quiet.

You always had a way about you that was undeniable. You could joke about the most morbid and horrible of things. Leaving personals ads circled, trying to help me find a date to the funeral, you joked. You're not getting any younger, you said. But we were young Ry, we were so desperately young. I remember how you joked about making a lifetime movie about me beating you, as we dredged up southern accents, and you created the best womanly scream I'd ever heard." Lester, no!" I still laugh when I think of you like that, perfect. Your eyes all lit up with humor and creativity.

You were my undoing, Ry

In life before you, things were so perfectly placed and put, and I'd have my husband and kids, with a white picket fence, matching SUVs and labrador retrievers. And I'd have lived a life of quiet boredom and desperation, always looking for the kind of love you find in the cheesy romance novels that you used to mock, Our 7 seven years were all too short, but they were the happiest of my life, even when things weren't perfect. You changed me, Ry. And for the better.

In life after you, I now sit at the kitchen table and reflect on what I've lost. The cupboard, once filled with medications, is empty now, dust collecting in that spot I can't bear to do anything else with. I no longer trip on your tubing as I walk absentmindedly into the lving room. I don't have to wait until you've done your treatments to go to bed. I miss the face you used to make while doing TOBI, begging me to grab you a pop because you couldn't stand that taste. So I watch the candle and wish with all my mind I had a match to relight it.

I hope I was a good wife, Ry. You were an amazing husband.

Emily65Roses
02-17-2006, 03:56 AM
I could comment on every word of this, but I have just chosen certain parts I wish to address.

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i><br>
the softness and purity of your kiss becomes harder and harder to describe.<hr></blockquote>
Describing and remembering are two very different things. I can remember everything about Mike I've ever known, but I could never describe it effectively. You won't forget.

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>I miss your cough, Ry.<hr></blockquote>
Only a true love could actually miss that... hah.



<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>AND that night, like every other since then, my heartbeat has softly called your name into the quiet.<hr></blockquote>
You can hear your heartbeat, so it's easy to keep track of. Just because you can't hear his doesn't mean it's not there. Just ask Ahava. Or Aaron. *snort*

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>always looking for the kind of love you find in the cheesy romance novels that you used to mock<hr></blockquote>
Funny how the men that give us (and also feel in return) the cheesy love from novels also seem to enjoy mocking it. It's guys like Ry where that stuff comes from in the first place. Next time you hear him scoffing or laughing at you for loving a corny movie, or crying over nothing... blame him for it. And then laugh at him.

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>I hope I was a good wife, Ry. You were an amazing husband.<hr></blockquote>
I'd find this almost amusing, if it weren't sad. I never spoke to Ry once in my life. But I'd be willing to bet that he'd smack you for even asking that.

*love for you* *love for Ahava* *love for Ry* <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Emily65Roses
02-17-2006, 03:56 AM
I could comment on every word of this, but I have just chosen certain parts I wish to address.

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i><br>
the softness and purity of your kiss becomes harder and harder to describe.<hr></blockquote>
Describing and remembering are two very different things. I can remember everything about Mike I've ever known, but I could never describe it effectively. You won't forget.

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>I miss your cough, Ry.<hr></blockquote>
Only a true love could actually miss that... hah.



<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>AND that night, like every other since then, my heartbeat has softly called your name into the quiet.<hr></blockquote>
You can hear your heartbeat, so it's easy to keep track of. Just because you can't hear his doesn't mean it's not there. Just ask Ahava. Or Aaron. *snort*

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>always looking for the kind of love you find in the cheesy romance novels that you used to mock<hr></blockquote>
Funny how the men that give us (and also feel in return) the cheesy love from novels also seem to enjoy mocking it. It's guys like Ry where that stuff comes from in the first place. Next time you hear him scoffing or laughing at you for loving a corny movie, or crying over nothing... blame him for it. And then laugh at him.

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>I hope I was a good wife, Ry. You were an amazing husband.<hr></blockquote>
I'd find this almost amusing, if it weren't sad. I never spoke to Ry once in my life. But I'd be willing to bet that he'd smack you for even asking that.

*love for you* *love for Ahava* *love for Ry* <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Faust
02-17-2006, 03:57 AM
Don't have the words Allie. Very well written and got your feelings across perfectly. I'm so sorry you have had to go through all this. Have you ever seen the movie What Dreams May Come? It is an amazingly good movie, and deals with the afterlife. It might be a good movie to watch. Not 100% uplifting, but helps put things in perspective.

Faust
02-17-2006, 03:57 AM
Don't have the words Allie. Very well written and got your feelings across perfectly. I'm so sorry you have had to go through all this. Have you ever seen the movie What Dreams May Come? It is an amazingly good movie, and deals with the afterlife. It might be a good movie to watch. Not 100% uplifting, but helps put things in perspective.

65rosessamurai
02-17-2006, 03:59 AM
Damn, Allie, I wished I would have read this at home, so I didn't have to fight back the tears so hard while looking at it from work!

As I had at least stated once, I'm sorry for your loss. Through your writings, I believe many will agree with me, we can all see what kind of a person Ry was, and I think he would be saying, "What an amazing wife I had, to stand by me through til the end."

Only other words I can add is that I hope your influence prepares the rest of us on how to prepare our significant others for that day, though no one will ever be prepared, anyway. (I just felt compelled to give some reply)

You're still in my thoughts,

Fred

65rosessamurai
02-17-2006, 03:59 AM
Damn, Allie, I wished I would have read this at home, so I didn't have to fight back the tears so hard while looking at it from work!

As I had at least stated once, I'm sorry for your loss. Through your writings, I believe many will agree with me, we can all see what kind of a person Ry was, and I think he would be saying, "What an amazing wife I had, to stand by me through til the end."

Only other words I can add is that I hope your influence prepares the rest of us on how to prepare our significant others for that day, though no one will ever be prepared, anyway. (I just felt compelled to give some reply)

You're still in my thoughts,

Fred

Allie
02-17-2006, 04:10 AM
Thanks, you guys. Your support really does mean a lot to me.

And Sean, I love What Dreams May Come, it's one of my favorite movies.

Allie
02-17-2006, 04:10 AM
Thanks, you guys. Your support really does mean a lot to me.

And Sean, I love What Dreams May Come, it's one of my favorite movies.

anonymous
02-17-2006, 05:04 AM
Allie,
What a beautiful and heart-wrenching tribute to Ry. He sounds like a very special guy, and you seem like a very loving, kind, wife. He was lucky to have you, as you him.
You're in my thoughts and prayers today.
Sonia

anonymous
02-17-2006, 05:04 AM
Allie,
What a beautiful and heart-wrenching tribute to Ry. He sounds like a very special guy, and you seem like a very loving, kind, wife. He was lucky to have you, as you him.
You're in my thoughts and prayers today.
Sonia

fourkidsmom
02-17-2006, 09:00 AM
Allie,That was beautiful, I hope things get easier for you. I hate that you have to go through all of this, Ry sure sounds like he was an awesome guy.&nbsp;Take care of yourself and you are in my thoughts and prayers.&nbsp;AngieStep mom to Brittany 14 no cfMom to Tyler 12 no cf, cf carrierMom to Brady 4 with cfMom to Taylor 3, no cf, but chromsome 9q 21.2 q 22.1 deletion&nbsp;&nbsp;

fourkidsmom
02-17-2006, 09:00 AM
Allie,That was beautiful, I hope things get easier for you. I hate that you have to go through all of this, Ry sure sounds like he was an awesome guy.&nbsp;Take care of yourself and you are in my thoughts and prayers.&nbsp;AngieStep mom to Brittany 14 no cfMom to Tyler 12 no cf, cf carrierMom to Brady 4 with cfMom to Taylor 3, no cf, but chromsome 9q 21.2 q 22.1 deletion&nbsp;&nbsp;

shauna
02-17-2006, 09:06 AM
wow...i'm at work in tears...you sound like an amazing couple and i'm sure that he short life was so much more fulfilled just for having you in it. he sounds like a very special man, and you sound like a beautiful amazing woman. i dont have any words to express what i want to say except that i'm so sorry that you have to be going through this...it isn't fair.

shauna
02-17-2006, 09:06 AM
wow...i'm at work in tears...you sound like an amazing couple and i'm sure that he short life was so much more fulfilled just for having you in it. he sounds like a very special man, and you sound like a beautiful amazing woman. i dont have any words to express what i want to say except that i'm so sorry that you have to be going through this...it isn't fair.

JazzysMom
02-17-2006, 09:07 AM
**People alive on earth, may I have your attention: Todays award for most heart wrenching love story to be read so early in the morning goes to....ALLIE. Todays award has been sponsored by no other than Ry. A few words from our sponsor>

Thank you. First I want to say that Emily is correct & that I will need to smack Allie for questioning if she was a good wife. In order for me to choose her for that role, she would have had to be a star already possessing the qualities needed for a soul mate, caretaker, best friend and mother. This is not something that can be learned, but must be embedded in the deepest being of ones soul. Secondly I know from personal observation that she did not have nor did she make any attempt to have a date for the funeral which I arranged so carefully and thirdly....clean the dust from my old medicine cabinet, will you?!"

Thank you all for coming and enjoy your day!

**The contents of this programming are for personal viewing pleasure and should not be duplicated for retail purposes. Anyone caught doing so will be tortured with the chronic cough of the nearest CFer!***

JazzysMom
02-17-2006, 09:07 AM
**People alive on earth, may I have your attention: Todays award for most heart wrenching love story to be read so early in the morning goes to....ALLIE. Todays award has been sponsored by no other than Ry. A few words from our sponsor>

Thank you. First I want to say that Emily is correct & that I will need to smack Allie for questioning if she was a good wife. In order for me to choose her for that role, she would have had to be a star already possessing the qualities needed for a soul mate, caretaker, best friend and mother. This is not something that can be learned, but must be embedded in the deepest being of ones soul. Secondly I know from personal observation that she did not have nor did she make any attempt to have a date for the funeral which I arranged so carefully and thirdly....clean the dust from my old medicine cabinet, will you?!"

Thank you all for coming and enjoy your day!

**The contents of this programming are for personal viewing pleasure and should not be duplicated for retail purposes. Anyone caught doing so will be tortured with the chronic cough of the nearest CFer!***

anonymous
02-17-2006, 10:28 AM
I am so glad Allie that you have us to share Ry with. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am sure Ry is so proud of you shinning down on you. I believe we can communicate with loved ones after they are gone through deep prayer. I often see my friends and relatives in my dreams. How refressing to wake up from one of these healing dreams.

love
Risa

anonymous
02-17-2006, 10:28 AM
I am so glad Allie that you have us to share Ry with. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am sure Ry is so proud of you shinning down on you. I believe we can communicate with loved ones after they are gone through deep prayer. I often see my friends and relatives in my dreams. How refressing to wake up from one of these healing dreams.

love
Risa

anonymous
02-17-2006, 10:42 AM
awwwww allie that was beautiful! hold on to all the good memories. i wish traci and myself could have met ry,i think your a great person and your strong allie even if you dont think so.
your not alone were all here for you......keep on venting its good!
thinking of you today i hope your pain will ease some in time!
love gail
(traci 2-2-88--3-24-05)

anonymous
02-17-2006, 10:42 AM
awwwww allie that was beautiful! hold on to all the good memories. i wish traci and myself could have met ry,i think your a great person and your strong allie even if you dont think so.
your not alone were all here for you......keep on venting its good!
thinking of you today i hope your pain will ease some in time!
love gail
(traci 2-2-88--3-24-05)

momofjosh
02-17-2006, 10:46 AM
Allie:
I feel for you! I just lost my 21 year old son 4 weeks ago. I thought I was prepared but found out you can never be prepared. I am so sorry for your loss!!! Ry sounds like a wonderful man and never doubt that you were a good wife! I know how hard it is to deal with CF for the person having it and those close to them. I too question whether I was a good mom to Josh. But my family remids me that I was the closest person to him and I was there every step of the way- just as you were. I don't know you but I know you are a strong and very caring person!! Ry was lucky to have you!! My daughter and I were just saying we missed hearing Josh's cough, because that was him. I feel for you so deeply. Happy Anniversary!
momofjosh

momofjosh
02-17-2006, 10:46 AM
Allie:
I feel for you! I just lost my 21 year old son 4 weeks ago. I thought I was prepared but found out you can never be prepared. I am so sorry for your loss!!! Ry sounds like a wonderful man and never doubt that you were a good wife! I know how hard it is to deal with CF for the person having it and those close to them. I too question whether I was a good mom to Josh. But my family remids me that I was the closest person to him and I was there every step of the way- just as you were. I don't know you but I know you are a strong and very caring person!! Ry was lucky to have you!! My daughter and I were just saying we missed hearing Josh's cough, because that was him. I feel for you so deeply. Happy Anniversary!
momofjosh

nocode
02-17-2006, 12:26 PM
Allie, that was extremelly touching. I was unable to fight the tears.. You are really amazing. I hope you will be able to find happiness again, or at least, peace of mind, you deserve it. I'm sure Ry is no longer suffering. And we all know you will never forget . You know it yourself, true love only comes once and it never goes away..
Happy anniversary Allie and Ry .

nocode
02-17-2006, 12:26 PM
Allie, that was extremelly touching. I was unable to fight the tears.. You are really amazing. I hope you will be able to find happiness again, or at least, peace of mind, you deserve it. I'm sure Ry is no longer suffering. And we all know you will never forget . You know it yourself, true love only comes once and it never goes away..
Happy anniversary Allie and Ry .

rose4cale
02-17-2006, 12:52 PM
Thinking of you and Ry and Ahava today Allie. Your words are very touching, and I like everyone else am drying my tears.

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

rose4cale
02-17-2006, 12:52 PM
Thinking of you and Ry and Ahava today Allie. Your words are very touching, and I like everyone else am drying my tears.

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

reillybug
02-17-2006, 12:59 PM
Oh, Allie, you broke my heart just reading this. Nothing any of us say can make the hurt go away for you, but know that we are all hear to listen! Just remember to give Ahava a hug each day from Ry...I am sure he smiles down on you from above.

reillybug
02-17-2006, 12:59 PM
Oh, Allie, you broke my heart just reading this. Nothing any of us say can make the hurt go away for you, but know that we are all hear to listen! Just remember to give Ahava a hug each day from Ry...I am sure he smiles down on you from above.

skh
02-17-2006, 01:18 PM
Oh Allie, my heart goes out to you! Your words brought tears to my eyes as well. Thank you for sharing with us. I think Ry must have been a very special individual as you are.

Sue

skh
02-17-2006, 01:18 PM
Oh Allie, my heart goes out to you! Your words brought tears to my eyes as well. Thank you for sharing with us. I think Ry must have been a very special individual as you are.

Sue

CFHockeyMom
02-17-2006, 01:20 PM
Allie,

Obviously I never knew Ry and only know you through your posts. However after reading your loving tribute I feel like I do finally know Ry. What a wonderful way to keep Ry here with you and with us.

I know today will be difficult for you but know that you have friends here if you need anything.

CFHockeyMom
02-17-2006, 01:20 PM
Allie,

Obviously I never knew Ry and only know you through your posts. However after reading your loving tribute I feel like I do finally know Ry. What a wonderful way to keep Ry here with you and with us.

I know today will be difficult for you but know that you have friends here if you need anything.

Diane
02-17-2006, 01:42 PM
Oh Allie........ that beautiful tribute brought me to tears ( like everyone else). Ry sounds like he was so awesome from your posts, i'm sure he is watching over you and Ahava. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Diane
02-17-2006, 01:42 PM
Oh Allie........ that beautiful tribute brought me to tears ( like everyone else). Ry sounds like he was so awesome from your posts, i'm sure he is watching over you and Ahava. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

lovingBenandCambree
02-17-2006, 02:51 PM
Allie,

*wiping my eyes from tears shed* You have such a way with words. The love that you and Ry have is truly incredible. As I read your words I couldn't help but reflect on my husband and I and the love we have the things that we do and say. It was eerily familiar and I know that in an instant it can all be taken away. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts. You are an incredible woman.

Emilee

lovingBenandCambree
02-17-2006, 02:51 PM
Allie,

*wiping my eyes from tears shed* You have such a way with words. The love that you and Ry have is truly incredible. As I read your words I couldn't help but reflect on my husband and I and the love we have the things that we do and say. It was eerily familiar and I know that in an instant it can all be taken away. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts. You are an incredible woman.

Emilee

anonymous
02-17-2006, 02:55 PM
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i><br>
I miss your cough, Ry....

The cupboard, once filled with medications, is empty now, dust collecting in that spot I can't bear to do anything else with. I no longer trip on your tubing as I walk absentmindedly into the lving room. I don't have to wait until you've done your treatments to go to bed. I miss the face you used to make while doing TOBI, begging me to grab you a pop because you couldn't stand that taste. <hr></blockquote>

"People call those imperfections, but no, that's the good stuff!"

Q

anonymous
02-17-2006, 02:55 PM
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i><br>
I miss your cough, Ry....

The cupboard, once filled with medications, is empty now, dust collecting in that spot I can't bear to do anything else with. I no longer trip on your tubing as I walk absentmindedly into the lving room. I don't have to wait until you've done your treatments to go to bed. I miss the face you used to make while doing TOBI, begging me to grab you a pop because you couldn't stand that taste. <hr></blockquote>

"People call those imperfections, but no, that's the good stuff!"

Q

anonymous
02-17-2006, 03:17 PM
Allie-
You and Ahave are in my thoughts. That was a very touching tribute to Ry. We are all thinking of you.

Margaret
Double Lung 11.11.04

anonymous
02-17-2006, 03:17 PM
Allie-
You and Ahave are in my thoughts. That was a very touching tribute to Ry. We are all thinking of you.

Margaret
Double Lung 11.11.04

Landy
02-17-2006, 03:17 PM
Allie
I certainly will be thinking of you today as you undergo yet another "first" (anniversary/holiday/
birthday) without Ry.
I can tell from your writings that you two shared a very special relationship that few get to experience.
I wish I had other words to say to help ease the pain.....

Landy
02-17-2006, 03:17 PM
Allie
I certainly will be thinking of you today as you undergo yet another "first" (anniversary/holiday/
birthday) without Ry.
I can tell from your writings that you two shared a very special relationship that few get to experience.
I wish I had other words to say to help ease the pain.....

imondeck
02-17-2006, 03:18 PM
Allie, that was a truly beautiful testiment of your love for Ry. You both were blessed to have had each other.

imondeck
02-17-2006, 03:18 PM
Allie, that was a truly beautiful testiment of your love for Ry. You both were blessed to have had each other.

thelizardqueen
02-17-2006, 03:32 PM
Allie - that was so beautiful. I, like everyone else could not fight back the tears. You are a strong, courageous woman. You and Ahava are in my prayers and thoughts. You truly had that beautiful and unique relationship that everybody wants, but only a few truly special ones have. I wish there was something I could say to ease the pain, to make everyday more bareable, but I know I can't. Stay strong Allie!

thelizardqueen
02-17-2006, 03:32 PM
Allie - that was so beautiful. I, like everyone else could not fight back the tears. You are a strong, courageous woman. You and Ahava are in my prayers and thoughts. You truly had that beautiful and unique relationship that everybody wants, but only a few truly special ones have. I wish there was something I could say to ease the pain, to make everyday more bareable, but I know I can't. Stay strong Allie!

spicyone18
02-17-2006, 04:07 PM
Allie, that is so beautiful! Ry sounds like such an amazing guy, you to were so lucky to find each other. I am so sorry you have to go through this, but try to stay strong for yourself and Ahava. You and Ahava will be in my thoughts and prayers! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Much Love...

spicyone18
02-17-2006, 04:07 PM
Allie, that is so beautiful! Ry sounds like such an amazing guy, you to were so lucky to find each other. I am so sorry you have to go through this, but try to stay strong for yourself and Ahava. You and Ahava will be in my thoughts and prayers! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Much Love...

julie
02-17-2006, 04:25 PM
Allie, that is So beautiful!! What a LOVE you and Ry must have shared. Thank you for reminding me to continue to cherish everything, everyday.. even those damn nebulizer cords <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I pray for strength on this day for you, pray for a sense of peace knowing that Ry is still with you-watching over you and your baby! Your words have touched me beyond words, thank you for sharing that with us Allie!

julie
02-17-2006, 04:25 PM
Allie, that is So beautiful!! What a LOVE you and Ry must have shared. Thank you for reminding me to continue to cherish everything, everyday.. even those damn nebulizer cords <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I pray for strength on this day for you, pray for a sense of peace knowing that Ry is still with you-watching over you and your baby! Your words have touched me beyond words, thank you for sharing that with us Allie!

Allie
02-17-2006, 04:41 PM
When I was writing this over the past few days, I was thinking about my day to day life, and how few people seem to realize the effect that Ry's absence has on me. Thank you for proving me wrong <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">



Days like this are hard for me. All I can do is remember that he isn't suffering anymore, and that the very last thing I whispered in his ear was "I love you". You guys made the burden on my heart lighter today. Thanks .

Allie
02-17-2006, 04:41 PM
When I was writing this over the past few days, I was thinking about my day to day life, and how few people seem to realize the effect that Ry's absence has on me. Thank you for proving me wrong <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">



Days like this are hard for me. All I can do is remember that he isn't suffering anymore, and that the very last thing I whispered in his ear was "I love you". You guys made the burden on my heart lighter today. Thanks .

littledebbie
02-17-2006, 05:04 PM
dang it...crying at work.....<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">

Allie, I don't have anything that I think would be remotely comforting so I will just send you a big mental hug and thank you for sharing Ry and your love for each other with us.

I'll check into the chat tonight if you feel like talking.

littledebbie
02-17-2006, 05:04 PM
dang it...crying at work.....<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">

Allie, I don't have anything that I think would be remotely comforting so I will just send you a big mental hug and thank you for sharing Ry and your love for each other with us.

I'll check into the chat tonight if you feel like talking.

Allie
02-17-2006, 10:06 PM
Well, tonight, to 'celebrate' Ahava and I watched my wedding video, which she had never seen. I hadn't seen it since Ry passed away. It was nice, but I'm a little emotional from the whole experience. We also had some takeout from the restaurant we always used to go to for our anniversary, and we had a little cake like Ry and I used to every year. It's just really quiet around here now.

It's been a rough day, but thank you to everyone who PMed or emailed me to check up on me.

Allie
02-17-2006, 10:06 PM
Well, tonight, to 'celebrate' Ahava and I watched my wedding video, which she had never seen. I hadn't seen it since Ry passed away. It was nice, but I'm a little emotional from the whole experience. We also had some takeout from the restaurant we always used to go to for our anniversary, and we had a little cake like Ry and I used to every year. It's just really quiet around here now.

It's been a rough day, but thank you to everyone who PMed or emailed me to check up on me.

anonymous
02-17-2006, 10:08 PM
Allie

You are truly a special person and Mother. I am certain that your daughter will grow up to be just like you. A carbon copy for sure. That is so nice that you both were able to watch this video together.
Risa

anonymous
02-17-2006, 10:08 PM
Allie

You are truly a special person and Mother. I am certain that your daughter will grow up to be just like you. A carbon copy for sure. That is so nice that you both were able to watch this video together.
Risa

JennifersHope
02-17-2006, 11:27 PM
Allie,

No words can make anything better, I am just praying that time will make the pain less brutal on you. I agree with Emily, just because you can't describe it ( though you did an amazing job) doesn't mean you will forget.

Loads of love and support for you,

Jennifer

JennifersHope
02-17-2006, 11:27 PM
Allie,

No words can make anything better, I am just praying that time will make the pain less brutal on you. I agree with Emily, just because you can't describe it ( though you did an amazing job) doesn't mean you will forget.

Loads of love and support for you,

Jennifer

anonymous
02-17-2006, 11:57 PM
Dear Allie

I have just spent the last half hour crying on my computer and I hope it doesen't blow on me, you are what make's the world go round, I could feel your love and pain and I just don't have the word's to say sorry for your pain and loss.

Maire

anonymous
02-17-2006, 11:57 PM
Dear Allie

I have just spent the last half hour crying on my computer and I hope it doesen't blow on me, you are what make's the world go round, I could feel your love and pain and I just don't have the word's to say sorry for your pain and loss.

Maire