View Full Version : living in denial

04-26-2005, 01:56 AM
Hi everyone! I'm a 20 year old female who has lived with CF since I was born. I've got some serious issues though. When I was younger I used to flick my pills under the refridgerator because I couldn't swallow them. I became lactose intolerant until I had surgery and it went away. I was anerexic once even though I didn't need to be. As we all know CF patients are always on the low end of the weight pole but I didn't like the way I looked. I suffer from serious depression, not only because of the CF, but everything I've had to go through in my life. I became diabetic at age 14 because of my pancrease breaking down. Then when I started high school I started smoking pot. Real smart right! Now I'm 20 years old, been out of high school for two years now, but I still can't seem to get myself on the right track! I always take my enzymes, but as for anyother medicine I'm supposed to take, it doesn't happen! It's such a pain in the butt! I do eat again, though it's hard as heck to gain any weight! But I unfortuanately still do drugs! Right now I'm getting a cold so I'm trying to quit, but the second I start to feel better, I'll be back to smoking again! Today was a particularly rough day in the means of doing away with myself. I'm pretty suicidal. I have a bad outlook on life as well. I live everyday wondering what I'm here for. Why I have to go through with all this crap. I don't want to have kids because I don't want them to resent me someday for passing this disease on to them. I just want to be happy. Is there anyone out there living with CF who feels the sameway I do, or is everyone a good patient who does what they're supposed to and takes care of themselves religiously?

04-26-2005, 02:10 AM
Hi, there. I am sorry you are having such a rough time. As far as the being a good patient, I'd be the first to admit that I am not always religiously taking my meds although I have become better over the years. As far as the suicidal goes, I have never been in that state of mind but have been on the other side meaning I have lost my father to suicide. Having gone through that I went through much depression which i have over come. What I can say is just try to remember there is always at least one person that you mean the world to. Anyways if you would like to chat you can email me at [email protected]
Until then I hope you have better days<img src="i/expressions/sun.gif" border="0">

04-26-2005, 02:40 AM
Dear Annoymous

I do not have CF but do have a child with CF. Even though i do not have CF i do understand what you are going through. I lost a parent at the age of 6 and had an alcoholic father, who remarried several times and my brother and i were always abused. During my teenage years i also used drugs and not just marijuana but harsher drugs as well. I was also suicidal and always thought why me and why was i given this life, i was always depressed because of the absence of my mother and wondered how life would be if she were here. I remember being so high that i would pray that i would come down and never do these drugs again!!! and guess what i would do them again and again. As far as CF goes i know how hard it is at times for me as a parent to have a child with CF and know that there is nothing that i can do except for show her how important it is for her to take care of herself and instill this in her for when she does reach her teenage years. Just because you have CF does not make you less important and i think you need to realize this in order to take care of yourself. I am sure that you do not resent your parents for passing this disease on to you so why would you think that your child would resent you. I am trying to teach my child to stay positive about CF and i am sure that alot of people will say "easy for me to say because i am not the one with this disease" WRONG!!! I would do anything i could possibly do to take this from my child, it is so hard to watch your child be sick!!! but i could never imagine my life without her , she is a blessing. Have you ever seeked counseling for drugs and/or depression?? Have you ever taken any anti-depression medication?? I know you have said that you do not like to take your meds?? why is that ?? you still will smoke to make you feel better so why not take your meds to make you feel better. Also there are anti depressants that will make you feel better and feel better about yourself. I will keep you in my prayers and i would like for you to know that you are important and i feel that if you start to take care of yourself you will feel more important to YOU!!!

04-26-2005, 03:35 AM
i won't try to answer this but just curiious what kind of surgery u had to change the lactos digestion? And how's your ovrall health w/ all the years of drug use?

04-26-2005, 11:59 AM
Hi I dont have cf ,my baby son does. I am a diabetic and recovered anorexic I was so sick for most of my life I didnt know anything els.I was so depressed for so long I didnt believe that there was another way to exist. after spending most of my life at rock botom it all came down to one day... I decided to try life differentlyfor 1 year, I started taking my meds eating,not doing harmfull things to my body, and changed the way I TALKED TO MYSELF!! It felt very unnatural....... after a while it didnt seem like I had to work so hard at it. I realized I wanted something els out of life, well after a year was up I never wanted to go back to where I was before I have never felt so impowered WHY didnt anyone tell me, my life could be this way! maybe they did but I coulnt hear it.
I only thought about going back 1 time after my son was born with CF, but the thought left as quickly as it came when i looked into the eyes of my newborn son, my hero my purpose.


04-26-2005, 01:32 PM
You know being 20 is a hard age. You come from living with your parents, and now you are an adult. Their isn't a lot of transition time to take on all this responsibility. And even though you have had CF for a long time, your parents were there, and now it's up to you.

When i was 19 I had a huge breakdown, but it worked. I never did drugs, but I played with mine. I did enough to get by, but not really live fully.

I am extremely complient now. I have been for years. The reason is: what I discovered was my body wasn't trying to do these things to me, it was just trying to live in a compromised body. When things happened, energy low, pain what not; it wasn't because my body was trying to hurt me, it was because it was asking for help.

CF is like a baby. It requires sometimes all your attention. IT whines, and pouts and wants everything from you some days. How does one live? When you start to get over being angry at it, and when your start saying hey..I decided to shake hands with you (my body) then it will start to give you life back. CF isn't fun, we know this. But, your body is just there, sitting there, going how do I work with this machine that is wired wrong? By you not doing stuff, it's tired and doens't know what to do.

When you start doing more things that your body will respond, "wow, thanks for being so nice to me," your life will return little-by-little. YOu have to do the stuff, it's really annoying I know.

Maybe seeking a counselor to sort out through your thoughts. Try writing, try talking about it. And sometimes I know for myself, I am so sick of it I don't feel talking about it, but you are human and you need to sort stuff out. If you didn't have Cf, their probably be something else that is on your mind. You have to sort throug it. I saw a counselor regularly from 18-22 years. Maybe I saw her one a month, or something, but I saw her. I confronted my life through the process and said hey, this is what is real, this is what isn't, here are my choices.

I hope anything from the emails people have sent help some. take care and seek some help.

Tessa 27w/cf

04-27-2005, 01:34 AM
I hope you find some support here. I think all of us have gone through a phase of not taking meds. I'm trying to get into a manageable routine with my pulmozyme, I work a weird schedule and often skip it when I have to work early. I know I shouldn't but its hard to get up 20 minutes earlier when I already get up at 6:30.

As far as the suicide issue goes, if you are thinking about it you need to see a professional. None of us here is qualified to help you with that. Maybe you need antidepressants (that could help get you motivated to take your meds not to mention brightening your whole outlook).

Good luck.

04-27-2005, 04:34 AM
Thank you for expressing your concerns in me. Just knowing that there are good hearted people out there puts a smile on my face! You and I have a lot in common. When I was younger my parents were heavily into drugs and alcohol, then they split when I was nine. It's taken a long time for me to get over it! They each straightened up their acts and got remarried. I lived with my mom and stepdad until he started doing strange things when I was 15. He would "tickle" me so high up on my leg that he would rub my privates. I never thought anything of it, just that he accidently did it. Then he would slap my butt and I told him that made me uncomfortable. Then he started showing me porn on the internet and teasing me about being on looking at it (which I never did). But at the sametime he was extremely mentally abusive. I was always stupid and this and that. So one day he took me into his garage/snake room to "talk" to me when he started telling me about sexual experiences that went on between my mom and him. I should've gotten up and left right then, but didn't. He went on to ask me if I'd perform oral sex with him. I obviously said no, and he kept asking, "are you sure?" So that's when I got up and left. I later told a counseler that I was seeing at the time and she contacted child services and I went to live with my dad. Eventually the whole thing went to court and he pleaded guilty. Now how I lost my mom is it's been four years, with him pleading guilty and my mom and him are still "trying to work it out!" That's when my mom died to me! Now as for counseling, yes, I have been through so many counselers since I was about 15 years old. It helps me to talk to them at the moment, but then I leave and all the problems are still there! I've tried many antidepressants. Zoloft, Celexa, Lith....(?), welbutrin(spelling?), and currently I'm on Cymbalta. The welbutrin made me terribly ill. My weight dropped from 100 lbs. to 88lbs. in two weeks. My lung functions dropped drastically and I ended up in the hospital. I'm 5'1, it's not normal to be 88lbs. I felt like a skeleton, and looked like on too. About my meds, I don't really know why I don't take them. I know that they'll help me, but I just never get myself to do them, then when I'm sick and I do really need to I don't want to because they make me cough. And I hate coughing worse than anything in the world. I just wish that there could be a day when I didn't cough all day long! I guess doing my meds would help that out. It's the little voice in my head that can't seem to get my body to move to go do the medicines. It's something I gotta start working on. Thanks for responding on a positive note.

04-27-2005, 04:36 AM
When I was born I had a mecolium illius (spelling?), so they did surgery then. And when I turned 12 or 13 I had a blockage due to scar tissue. So I needed surgery again, and whatever they did made the lactose intolarance go away.

04-27-2005, 07:27 AM

your story can be looked at several different ways, I choose to look at it as one of strength. It takes a strong person not to let a person in authority take advantage of you. I always think that we already have the deck stacked against us with having CF, we should automatically be entitled to good, loving parents. Unfortunately it seems to be the exception and not the rule! I am sorry about your circumstance but encourage you to take care of yourself and applaud your efforts thus far. It is obvious to me that you are equiped with the strength to take care of yourself, you just need to decide to do it. I can't give you any motivation there really, we all have different motivations. I know that life is a wonderful thing that we can't take for granted. The longer we live the more time we have for something wonderful to happen to us! I will keep in you in my thoughts and prayers.


04-27-2005, 05:26 PM
You just hang in there and im sure good things will eventually come your way.
i wish for you health and happiness

04-27-2005, 05:55 PM
Anonymous, this is kind of spooky. I am also twenty, also with cf, also got diabetes at 14, and also have/had an eating disorder. Plus I've also tried loads of antidepressants and have been semi-suicidal at times. I am not a model in compliance and a lot of the time there really seems to be no point in taking care of myself. We should definitely talk more. My IM is in my profile.

04-28-2005, 06:54 PM
I am a father of an almost 30 year old with cf. I can tell you from sitting in the hospital and watching all the pain, the time
she must spend on her vest, all the medication she takes, feeling good today and tomorrow in the hospital. There is only one way I can see to live with cf, as a parent or as the person with cf, that is my faith in God and the Hereafter. I know this is not popular thinking but it works wonders for me. I will pray that the Good Lord will help you. Anyone that wants to help can also pray.
A Dad

04-28-2005, 07:54 PM
To a Dad

I love your reply to this topic and as a Christian, I also know how The Lord and prayer has seen us through many difficult days and hospitalizatons.

Kaitsmom<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
A Mom

04-28-2005, 10:31 PM
I think i feel this way <i>too</i> often for my own good. i just sit and ponder about every little thing i can possibly think of. i find myself thinking alot that my life is just a big waist of time, and when people tell me otherwise im like " what the hell does my future hold, my death" thats about it, that's reality. everyone in my life is in denial of it, which makes me laugh a little bit becuase they know it deep down inside, they just dont want to even talk about the subject at all. why not? i dont have a clue, if im able to talk about it then anyone else should, i mean geez im the one with CF, not them.

i feel the same exact way, i think about my death ALOT. i always think about being in the hospital and not being happy with the way my life turned out or thinking of the things that i wanted to do and never got around to doing. the best is when others tell you, oh you have time....yeah i do have time, i have enough time to worry about my health and to focus on everything i can possibly do to make my life span a little longer. that's pretty much all i have time for.

one thing i did learn : if you let CF be stronger then you, it WILL kill you.

04-28-2005, 11:13 PM
i think everyone here as probably felt this way one time or another..i know i have..not really suicidal but often wondering how much longer i have and how it might be easier to give up..i often feel really guilty when i miss my meds or i go in the hospital. i feel like i am totally inconveniencing everyone one around me and i swear never to do it again..but then i manage to screw it up..time and time again. we are human we screw up..i've smoked pot and drank far longer then i should have but i have quit and i am trying my best to keep up with good habits..thasts all we can do.. try our best. i do think you should try and find someone to talk to. i have a shrink that i love and with some anti depression meds i am much happier. good luck to you and keep us posted.

04-29-2005, 03:29 AM
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>There is only one way I can see to live with cf...<hr></blockquote>

You'd actually be surprised how well people can manage--even in much worse situations--with no gods at all.

As I wrote in the same topic started in the youth forum, that could have been me, last year, if <b>(1)</b> I had easy access to drugs in this neighborhood, and <b>(2)</b> wasn't actually too much of a coward to try them. Luckily, the one time I smoked a cig--at 12--I coughed so hard that I decided never to try anything like that again, so... I've defended smokers' rights at length in debate, however, so I won't lecture you about it, either. All in all, those treatments and pills are such a hassle, I'm surprised any of us do them at all. Eventually, of course, the realization hits that we could have had much better health if we stuck to them, but at the same time, "who cares?" Why do those things, when--if you're not enjoying life--they're just prolonging the inevitable, and letting you lead what is better described as an ambiguous type of existence? (Sound familiar?)

I really don't know what to suggest. I got extremely fortunate, and found someone who made life worth living again. Without her, I really wouldn't care. There's no guarantee such a stroke of luck will happen in anyone else's case. There's no guarantee of a happy ending, just because you go for it. Life can truly bitchslap people, and there won't necessarily be any rhyme or reason to it. It reassures me that you still want to be happy; the disillusionment CF can create hasn't fully gripped you yet. Is there anything you enjoy doing enough to justify putting up with the rest of this crap? A hobby, friends...?

If you don't mind me being blunt, what is your prognosis, if any? How high are your PFTs? Do you believe you should plan for college, a job, a reasonably decent life for years more... or does it seem more probable you're in the end stages (which probably changes some dynamics and priorities)? Is getting listed for a lung transplant an option for you, or medically unlikely/you don't want to go through with it? You may want to ask yourself (and maybe your docs) some tough questions about what you'd like to be doing in a year or two, what is likely to happen in a year or two, what is likely to happen in a year or two if you change what you're doing, and (only you'll know this) whether you can handle that, or want to.

Wish you all the best, not that it'll change much. For whatever it's worth, you're not alone.

04-29-2005, 11:23 PM
This is for the last poster
I pray to God that my daughter is NEVER so negative about life!!!! Life is what you make of it CF or not!!! EVERYONE will leave this world some day and some way, of course i do not want to lose my daughter or for that matter any of my loved ones. Maybe i have a different outlook on all of this because i am a believer and so are my children. Of course there are times when i get really depressed and cry and feel bad but God always pulls me right out of it. I know how hard this disease can be but i think that if one stays positive and not always dwell on the fact of death they will be much happier and probably healthier!! There are CFer"s that live and will live alot longer lives than my mother who died at the age of 29 of a brain anuerism. The fact is we are all going to die so please do not dwell on it and live life to its fullest.

Kaitsmom<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

04-30-2005, 12:36 PM
I have to comment because, you know bad things happen. If you did not have CF, their would be another challenge in this life. You can not pass a lifetime without having a challenge of some sort. What people do is get stuck in the stories, regurgitating them up all the time, instead of putting that energy to go forth.

IF you run around in negative energy all the time, that is what you have. If you believe what your life will be, that is what it will be. Even if you really want a better life, until you believe it and put forth the work, it's not going to happen. And yes, CF is bigger than many other situations that can happen in ones life, but it's all relative. YOu could have a durg-abuse problem, you mom could have left you, you could have grown up in a severe abusive household, you could be in extreme poverty, whatever...it's all relative. Sometimes, Cf people have those obsticles on top of CF. Life just sux sometimes, but then it doesn't after a while. Once you grow a little, and realize you make what you want out of your life, period. It's not easy for me to say that because I have quite a severe case of Cf. But what i am saying is, you just never know. It's difficult not to be angry. Anger is probably my biggest challenge of all. After a while, you just waste so much time and energy on being angry, it doesn't do anyone any good, and definitley not yourself.

My partner said that at first when she found out that I had CF, she did the research, and she's like, "wow, that's a lot." But, then she let go of it, and thought, "hell, I could die before she does." She took it in consideration, but again she could go before me.

that's all I am going to say at this point. If you believe your life will suck, it will.

27 w/cf

04-30-2005, 02:50 PM
I don't know, Tessa. Yeah, people probably do tend to "regurgitate" their woes, which might create a "negative engergy." Still, everyone -- CF or no -- seeks empathy. At some level, we all wish somebody -- even one other person -- could know exactly how we feel, good or bad. Isn't this what inspires everything from relationships to the creation of art to the various searches for God you read about on these pages? The alternative is complete alientation: not a happy prospect. Problem is, the more marginalized you feel -- the more alientated from the "normal" ppl around you because of, say, a disability, or poverty, or depression -- the more you actually need that empathy but at the same time sense you can't possibly get it without becoming so dramatic no one can possibly ignore you. From experience, I think this is behind a lot of the "acting up" -- the risky behavior, the suicidal gestures (including choosing not to take care of yourself) -- as well as the "regurgitation," which often sounds to others like whining. It's a tough juggling act, isn't it? Others understand us through the EXPERIENCE of us, which is our stories. And we need them to know us. Yet, if we have something like CF, our stories are likely to be pretty depressing. I've tried hard to act tough through it all, to keep my woes to myself, if for no other reason than to avoid dragging everyone else down with me. Also, when it comes to things like fear and despair, no one else can really fix you anyway. At some point I figured I might as well try to negotiate my own tenuous peace with the disease, not to mention with the common fears and questions everyone faces. So mostly -- not always! -- when I find myself whining, I slap myself and shut up. But I realize this might actually be a FORM of denial -- the tough-guy guise, the APPEARANCE of facing things like a soldier. It also might be nothing more than stubborn pride and the suspicion that if you give an inch, the disease will claim the rest of you. Who knows? I don't recommend any one "way." Mine has a price. It often leads to solitude when I least want it, and all the acting probably merits an academy award. I know others approach things differently, and I can't say they're wrong.

As for the original poster's comments on drug use and avoiding treatments, I confess I've been around the block a few times and done a lot of things I probably shouldn't be alive to tell you about. I don't exactly regret much of it -- I had a lot of good times and they didn't kill me -- but now that I'm an old fart of 39, I've pretty much said goodbye to the vices. There's nothing moral to this -- I just got sick of feeling like hell because of destructive behavior ON TOP OF feeling like hell because of the illness. These days, even if my body's going to seed, I appreciate clarity of mind more than ever. However, I do understand that a nice buzz and a little carousing does make you forget about CF for a while and is even a way to show the illness "who's boss." At least there's a sense of control when you're self-destructing! But again strictly from experience, I have to caution against things drugs and booze. Not only are they terrible for your health, but they also tend prevent you from being able to sort things out in a way that lasts more than the span of a bender. I'd even throw some of the psycho pills into that category, though I know others will disagree. The point is, substance abuse is not only a symptom but also a cause of depression, and you've probably got enough to be depressed about already. You don't have to be perfect or to bar yourself from every little naughty pleasure. But if getting stoned or staying out all night or blowing off your meds makes you feel worse day-to-day -- physically OR mentally -- just think how nice it would be to feel even a little bit better! Some people can adjust their behavior on their own, but obviously cannot. If you feel trapped in this cycle, as others here have said, don't be ashamed to get help.

Off my high horse now. I hope you start feeling better!


04-30-2005, 03:09 PM
Correction: "and obviously SOME cannot." And Tessa, the "you" in the second part is the original poster -- didn't mean to suggest I thought YOU felt depressed!


04-30-2005, 05:45 PM
That was out of line, Kaitsmom. For one thing, you assume I share that view of life now--I don't. (I did once, and when I did, I was perfectly justified in holding it, too.) There's nothing "negative" about acknowledging that for some people, life simply isn't worth living, and for reasons above and beyond ones that can be overcome with some effort, like the ones you mentioned. Everyone will die, yes; not everyone will face a "life" that brings them more hassle than pleasure. I'm pretty sure anyone's spirit could be broken by sufficiently bad illness, although the exact amount of hassle required will, of course, vary by individual, and other factors will come into play. And since it's such a personal thing, only the original poster can decide whether her current situation is satisfactory, as helpful as others' suggestions might be. She alone will know if she's justified in using drugs, drinking and being merry, going out in a blaze of glory, as opposed to being more conservative, and extending her lifespan (potentially at the cost of her enjoyment).

But that's irrelevant, as the point of my post wasn't what you thought it was was. I was stating the self-evident truth that your plans are going to be different, depending on whether you believe you'll live 20 years, 10 or 2. In the latter case, for example, college or saving for retirement might not seem as high a priority, while in the former, fundraising for an impending lung transplant won't seem like a mission-critical use of your time.

04-30-2005, 06:29 PM
Hey Paul...

I totally I agree. You have to be heard, and share your thoughts, to have a voice. To have someone feel a little emphatetic, I think it's vital.

For many many years, I never really gave life a chance. I lived in denial, well..I didn't even know it was denial, that's denial. I fear, angered Cf more than anything. It didn't do anything positive for me. I did just enough to get by, to stay out of the hospital, but after time it my health was waving a big warning sign. I had a huge breakdown when I was almost 20, and you know, I decided to give life a bit of a chance. At that point, it sure didn't seem it could get any worse.

What I learned was, yes..you have to cry and say, I can't do all this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore, i am sick of this, I am tired. but, then you someone get energy again to move on. YOu have to loose it sometimes, when you cry that's when the wisdom comes in. It's unhealthy not to let it out. What I keep seeing is people not giving life a chance.

When I decided to let go of my anger, my pft's literally went up 15%-20% in a period of 3-4 months. My weight was better. After I decided to start taking care of my sugars more, why..amazingly I began to feel A LOT better. When I stopped trying to run in front of the game, my life became a lot clearer. I sometimes think that if I was to be born with a disease of some sort, that I have my brains. I am not mentally challenge I have heard so stories from people that don't have Cf, and I think..look how far they came from some strange and crazy situation. I am different, but not really, just details are.

What happens is overtime, if you don't give life a chance, you die. You had a life, and you never choose to live it, and now it's gone.


05-01-2005, 12:35 AM
<b>Yes</b> I do... I'm 20 cf scnce 6mnths and i fell alot like you describe. i too have made some wrong and right turns and feel like it doesnt even matter. I'm in the position of Really wanting to meet knew people yet fighting not to so i will hurt less people when i die. That's my worst fear i think...letting everyone down cause i found what i enjoyed and did what i could...I am by far dead but it already doesnt seem to matter.would the original writter of this please e-mail me!! [email protected]

05-01-2005, 10:45 AM
HI, Im 17 and I don't do my treatments religiously. I take all the tablets but I find it hard to physio and nebs. I do excercise though, regurlarly. I was just assesd for a transplant last week, luckily I don't need one just yet..but regardless of whether I was listed tomorrow or not, I plan to continue to carry on with my life as normal, ie, go to college etc. I believe if I was to drop everything just because I wouldnt be here next year, that <b>to me</b>would mean that cf had done what it always tries to do, take over your life..but thats my opinion. Some may argue that if you only have a year to live, do everything you always wanted to..
I'm sorry if my post was slightly irrelevant, but I just want you to know, that you're not alone, because not everyone does their treatments religiously.In some ways, I only do the ones that make me feel well, so I can lead a normal life. You have to be practical about it..Shamrock, x

05-01-2005, 02:58 PM
Thanks to everyone that's replied. Most of the time, my CF doesn't even cross my mind. while I'm walkin down the street or driving to my friends house I don't think to myself, will my CF kill me today? I live my life as if I didn't have this disease, and that's mostly why I'm living in denial. I want to be like everyone else! Life sux whether you have a disease or not, it just does! Nothing in my life has ever gone right for me! When things start looking up, something happens and my life is crap again. Death doesn't scare me. It's more the regret that I didn't do all the things in life that I wanted to do, or that your "supposed" to do. Get married and have kids. I'm not really in horrible health right now either which sort of delays the thought in my head that I'll ever die. I don't feel that I pity myself though either. I don't go around announcing the fact that I have CF. Though maybe I should cuz when I cough around most people they look at me like I'm an epidemic! I'm not really angry at CF, probably more just at life in general. Life sux! Freedom isn't free! I'm blessed to be living in the United States, but at the sametime, it sux! I went to see a movie yesterday and there was a police cop at the movies! WHY!? Can't we enjoy a peaceful movie without an officer there? I'm probably more a negative person towards life then CF. Eventually one of them is going to beat you and it's not your choice which one it's going to be no matter what you do!

05-01-2005, 03:22 PM

I am glad that you do not feel negative about life now and i am very happy that you found someone to share your life with that has helped change your outlook on life. I just do not think that when someone is having a tough time in life that we should respond with negativity, I mean you said that just because you found someone doesn't mean that anyone else will have such luck. When someone is suicidal they really need positive influence, they are looking for help. I think that alot of times others just say things no matter how it will make others feel. Yes sometimes life is rough and there will always be opstacles to overcome but telling someone that life is not worth living when they are already feeling this way is just not right. Who is to say that maybe this person or other people will not only attempt suicide but succeed because they where looking for positive help and only found out that everyone or others feel the same way that they do and that maybe life really isn't worth living.! My life has not always been easy but i certainly would not say that it hasn't been worth living, I have had so many blessings. I think that all of us should sit back and count our blessings and not focus on the bad things that have happened or the challenges that everyone faces in life.

Kaitsmom<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

05-01-2005, 04:20 PM
Mind you, I didn't read the whole thread. Just the few posts between WinAce and KaitsMom. If someone is suicidal because they have weeks or months to live... and are only in pain, that's not being negative. That's being realistic.

05-01-2005, 11:17 PM
To The original Poster,
I really hope you get the chance to read this cause when I read your topic I just had to reply. Let me just ask you, first off, HOW COULD YOU BE DOING THIS WITH YOUR BODY???? I mean I know depression can push you to do dumb things and all, but let me tell you my story. I grew up in a relatively happy home until about the age of 12, then everything for me went down hill. My dad got together with his brother's wife as creepy as that sounds and she turned out to be a crack, weed, ect.... attict. Well so eventually he ended up doing the same thing and even dealing. Well after a couple of years, me being a rebelious teenager and wanting to get out of the environment, I messed around with guys, went to parties and even tried drugs and alcohol. But I soon found out after really uncomfortable experiences THAT LIFE WAS NOT FOR ME. I finally got involved with this guy after my dad kicked me out of his LIFE at the age of 18 and he turned my life around. Well I shouldnt really say he did it, cause it was really my desision to turn my life around. Anyway, from the time my dad started his drug life till now I have had a habbit of not doing my meds on a regular basis. But about a year ago I made the really hard desision of becoming pregnant, and I did and I have a beautiful 7 month old little girl. I am healthier then I have ever been. My PFTs are in their 80s and my baby is perfectly healthy. Right now Im on my way to becoming a Vet Technician and am totally a happier person. The point is, I started down the path your on and quickly turned around based on my good judgements.
Well anyway, I hope some of this provides you with some inspiration to do better for yourself. You can email me anytime at [email protected] or if your on aol, you can IM me

05-02-2005, 07:29 AM
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>Winace

Yes sometimes life is rough and there will always be opstacles to overcome but telling someone that life is not worth living when they are already feeling this way is just not right.<hr></blockquote>

I didn't. I <i>asked</i> if it was sufficiently worth living for her to take efforts--likely non-trivial ones--to turn her life around. Hopefully, she'll find something redeeming in this little experience, but who can guarantee it? Whether any particular life is worth living is really up to the individual in question, so only they can decide if they want to go on, or not bother managing a chronic illness. Given the circumstances of CF, I strongly feel that either choice <i>can</i> be defended as perfectly rational, and no one should be condemned or lectured (like the previous poster's done) for taking the path of least resistance, or most enjoyment. No, just because you <i>did</i> survive due to choices you made, or got really lucky (like me), doesn't mean anyone else will, and pretending otherwise is not being entirely honest with ourselves. There <i>is</i> such a thing as no happy endings, so for some people, acknowledging that and getting the most out of the fairy tale itself, until it turns into a <i>Tale from the Crypt</i>, will make the most sense.